How many of us are dissatisfied with our sex lives?
Quite a plentitude of people want more or have trouble getting there because their lovers are finished before they have even started, or worse that they finish right when she's just warming up. As much as we would like to, we can't just lay blame on our lovers. We must take responsibility for our bodies/souls needs and create what we want and how we want it. "I always psyche myself into believing I'm some hot little sex kitten. I play out in my mind what I'd like to do with him and get very graphic. This always keeps me going. -Mary, S.C. "When entertaining a man one cannot neglect the setting. Make sure it's a place where both of you can be relaxed. Comfort is a major key when becoming intimate. Mellow lighting lots of pillows and silky sheets make for a nice start for my honey and I! I want him to know were going to be there for a while."-Marta S, Fla. "This may sound old fashioned but it can really make a difference when you take the time to know your lover. I mean really know them. How can your souls collide if you aren't connected on an emotional level? The quickie animal stuff just isn't for me!"-Trinidad "Most important for me is to trust your partner and to be loving with each other. I feel so vulnerable in intimate conditions, that I would rather wait for the loving relationship, rather than settle for some cheap sex." -Marley, M.D. "Don't get so set on the goal of orgasm. Enjoy sex for the moment and give attentions to the whole experience. Don't just focus on your genitals."-La Tonya, C.A. "Stop for a rest, when things start to slow down a bit. I find it fun and reviving to make a refrigerator raid. I usually keep plenty of goodies ready, I come running back to the bedroom or living room with treats, and before you know it we are at it again. It's fun to feed each other chocolate cherries … then some yummy kisses can commence."-Sue Sue, MI "Show him what you want. I actually ask my lovers to do this or bite harder on my nipples; there's no harm in getting it right. The men are usually very happy to accommodate my demands! -Zenia, OH "I think most men do have a tender side to their nature, but society has put these stereotypes out there that make them think they have to be the hard driving, macho erection machine. Let him know that you don't want him to restrain himself from more tender expressions of his love. Men are conditioned to think they have to be "all that" all of the time. Take off the pressure."-Sonja, New Zealand " Remember that variety is the spice of life! My husband and I love to roll play. We make whole stories and record them on video. Dressing the parts and all. We make a whole production out of it. It's fun. We also enjoy an open relationship and enjoy swinging and playing with other couples. It has added so much excitement to our love lives." -Dawn, San Francisco
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Asking The Right Questions To Be A Better Lover
I'm going to be very honest: I don't consider myself to be one of the world's greatest lovers. However, I am on a journey of personal discovery in this area. It is said, "We teach what we need to learn." So I'd like to share with you some of the things I'm discovering along the way. I believe the following are two of the most important questions we can ask ourselves with regard to opening up to becoming a better lover, as well as learning to enjoy ourselves more during lovemaking: 1) How can we learn to shut off our very busy brains and relax and enjoy really being in the moment? 2) How can we learn to better communicate openly and honestly with our lover about where we're at, what we're feeling, and what we'd like to do? From all of the research I've done, from talking to friends, and from my own personal experience, it appears that both sexes are actually just as shy when it comes to speaking up about what they'd like to do in bed. Women, though, have a tougher time, in general, shutting off their brains and relaxing into the moment. Women have brains that tend to think about more than one thing at a time. Men are better at focusing on one thing-which makes enjoying sex easier for them. I believe this is an area where it would be a good idea for men to learn to have compassion for their female lovers. (Don't worry men. Women need to learn to have compassion for you, too. I'll get to that a little later). I have two reasons why compassion is merited. First, men are pretty sure of experiencing an orgasm from a sexual encounter, whereas women are not. Second, women -- who tend to be more in tune with those around us and with our surroundings -- are the far more judgmental of the two sexes. This is a double-edged sword: the double-edged part is that we often focus this judgment harshly on ourselves. We've all heard that men are visual creatures. It's only recently that I've really started to understand exactly what this means. It means that if men see something they enjoy looking at, they can lose themselves in the moment and just enjoy the visual stimulation. This is a very difficult concept for women to grasp. So when our lovers turn their eyes to us and start to stare, our reaction usually is to assume something like, "He doesn't like this haircut!" If we happen to be naked, the judgment becomes even harsher, such as, "He's ticking off all my flaws… He's grossed out by my thighs!" In reality, according to everything I've read and everything men have told me in person, his thoughts are far more likely to be something like, "Wow, I'm so lucky! A live naked woman right here in front of me!" This, by the way, is also the reason that men have such a good sense of humor about things like cup sizes that come off with the bra. I asked several men whether or not they felt betrayed when this happens. Every one of them responded, "Who cares? There's a woman getting naked with me!" I know men, I know: It can get tiresome to keep telling someone how attracted you are to her, how much she turns you on, and have her continue to act insecure. I've been guilty of this sort of behavior, myself, in the past. My advice now to women is, "Snap out of it!" If your lover pays you a compliment, you need to open your ears and your heart and accept it graciously. It might have taken him a lot of courage to say it! Let's face it, women can be pretty fierce in our disbelief, and we often bite the hand that's trying to feed us the adoration and attention we so desire. Yes, I know ladies, I know: It's scary to open our ears and our hearts and hear our lover's words when we look in the mirror and decide that we fall short of what the media is currently touting as "Who's sexy now!" The key here, though, is to remember that even those who we see in photos looking fabulous often don't look quite that way in person. (PhotoShop fixes every hair out of place, every blemish; it takes off weight; it changes eye color…). Also, the "ideal" that the media chooses doesn't necessarily reflect what most heterosexual men find sexy and alluring, anyway. In the words of one of my straight guy pals, "The media's all women and gay men. Of course they have a different idea of what's sexy than straight guys do. We're just too lazy to object." Of course women may be thinking, "What about Playboy?" To that all I can say is that for every magazine like Playboy featuring a particular sort of very thin, very young, woman as the epitome of sexy, we women have three fashion magazines with almost impossibly thin and very young women modeling face creams for faces that won't have wrinkles for years yet, and modeling clothes that no young woman their age, unless a model or an heiress can afford. Sadly, we do most of the harm to our self-image ourselves. Women we need to give ourselves a break! And we need to accept that men are visual and they love visual stimulation… Love it, love it, love it! We need to recognize that our lover chose us because we're whom he finds desirable. He likes our "type." He would very much like to see much more of us displayed in a sexy way for his adoring gaze. If he doesn't get enough visual stimulation from us, it's possible he's going to resort to getting it from other places. So yes, it's a bit unnerving how men can stare: one almost feels like a science project. But wouldn't you rather he was adoring you than a pinup in a magazine or on a website? The more we can learn to relax and accept our lover's gaze and attention, the more turned on we'll be… and the more turned on we are, the more turned on he'll be. The more we accept that we're sexy to him, the sexier we'll be to ourselves. Besides, who doesn't want to be adored? So men, we're starting to understand you. Now it's time for you to understand a little more about us. Women are "aural" creatures: we like words. That's why in general women prefer erotica to photos of naked people for stimulation. We like to be hooked up in, and lost in, a story. That's why porn movies often leave us cold, but something like "The English Patient" makes us hot. Men, you really need to learn to be brave and talk to us: you need to learn to tell us of your desires, what you'd like to do, and what you'd like us to do… and you need to learn to do it in a smart way. Why? Because it will pay off big time! Why are some men great Casanova's who have women swooning for them? Because they've learned how to talk to women! They know that women need a lot of reassurance. They also know that women need to be coaxed into opening up and sharing their thoughts, because we're very frightened of rejection (aren't we all?), of being too much, of being called names. Blame it not only on the whole very old and tired whore/Madonna syndrome of categorization, but also on the fact that we've been told, forever, what frail egos men have and that they hate to be told what to do. Maybe, men, you do hate to be "told what to do," but wouldn't you love some instructions on how to turn your lover on? Ask! And don't take her blushes and stammering for an answer! But be sweet about it: let her know how excited it would make you feel to know better how to turn her on. And if you want to try something new, don't hit her over the head with it all at once… Start dropping small hints, always with plenty of reassurance that if she's brave and gives something new a try, you'll be there with open happy arms to catch her. Remember that being a great lover, like any other skill worth acquiring in life, takes time and patience and practice. As we've seen, it takes the compassion of understanding the differences in characteristics between you and your partner and the ability to be open to learning to think in new ways. Good luck!
The Open Flower
The Open FlowerWe must learn to experience our sexuality without fear.
This may be a difficult subject for some people. Many of us have been taught to be ashamed or embarrassed by our sexual feelings and find ourselves wasting a lot of energy denying, repressing and feeling guilty about them. To be a healthy, complete person we must learn to experience our sexuality without fear and accept it as a beautiful part of ourselves worth celebrating.Let go of any shame and embarrassment from archaic social standards that are connected with loving yourself. Masturbating can help us to learn about our bodies and we can teach ourselves how to respond sexually. We can love ourselves alone or masturbate mutually with a lover. It is very erotic to watch your love become sexually aroused and vice versa. Self-stimulation helps to relieve sexual tension and therefore helps you fall asleep easier. Repressing your sexuality is unhealthy so masturbating gives us a way to feel pleasure that is self-sufficient and under our control. It provides an outlet for people who are without a lover and is excellent training for learning how to achieve an orgasm. It can enable a partner to have an orgasm when the stimulation through intercourse is insufficient. Masturbation can even help to relieve menstrual cramps. Loving yourself involves the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an individual. Reprogram your subconscious to view the act as a gesture of self- love and empowerment. Make a date with yourself and take the time to do the special little things that usually get overlooked or put on the back burner because of family, career and other responsibilities. Find a quiet, warm place where you can be alone without interruption. Remember to turn on the answering machine! Take a hot bath, relax, and take some time to think about the things you like about yourself. Let the day's stress and worries fade away. Aromatic bath salts and oils can be added to your bath to induce further relaxation and help to heighten the intimacy you are creating. Rub yourself down with lotion or oil and take some time to caress and explore your body. Light a candle and put on your favorite sexy music. This is your time! Now that your relaxed, move to your bed, couch or wherever you are most comfortable.Positive creative fantasy can play a key role in building desire while you love yourself. Visualize your lover or create an imaginary lover with attributes you admire and that turn you on. One way to enhance your ability to fantasize is to review your favorite personal erotic memories in detail. Tenderly stroke your breasts, thighs and buttocks. Imagine it is a lover touching you. It is arousing to imagine that your dream lover is the one doing the caressing. There are many different ways to masturbate. We can moisten our fingertips with our own saliva or vaginal fluids, or use a purchased product such as K-Y Jelly or pure coconut oil from the health food store. Gently rub the clitoris with one hand while tweaking your nipple with the other. Rhythmically rub in a circular or an up and down motion. Experiment and explore what feels good to you. Use different levels of pressure and timing. Some women masturbate by crossing their legs while exerting steady rhythmic pressure to the entire genital area. Some women use a small pillow between their legs to rub against and achieve one orgasm after another. Try using a vibrator or dildo to stimulate and mimic the presence of the male member. Practice using muscle tension as a way to heighten or to bring on climax. I know of many women that stimulate themselves to orgasm with the stream from the shower.Let yourself go, don't try too hard, as you become sexually aroused you will feel the blood rush to your pelvis, clitoris and vulva, making you feel full and hot. Your senses become vivified as you let your life energy rocket into beautiful waves of ecstasy. This energy is just waiting for you to set it free and is there for you to explore and use at your will. Don't stifle your life energies. They are there for you to enjoy, so let the damn break and let the river flow. Enjoy your beautiful body/mind/soul and celebrate that individual beauty that makes you so unique.
This may be a difficult subject for some people. Many of us have been taught to be ashamed or embarrassed by our sexual feelings and find ourselves wasting a lot of energy denying, repressing and feeling guilty about them. To be a healthy, complete person we must learn to experience our sexuality without fear and accept it as a beautiful part of ourselves worth celebrating.Let go of any shame and embarrassment from archaic social standards that are connected with loving yourself. Masturbating can help us to learn about our bodies and we can teach ourselves how to respond sexually. We can love ourselves alone or masturbate mutually with a lover. It is very erotic to watch your love become sexually aroused and vice versa. Self-stimulation helps to relieve sexual tension and therefore helps you fall asleep easier. Repressing your sexuality is unhealthy so masturbating gives us a way to feel pleasure that is self-sufficient and under our control. It provides an outlet for people who are without a lover and is excellent training for learning how to achieve an orgasm. It can enable a partner to have an orgasm when the stimulation through intercourse is insufficient. Masturbation can even help to relieve menstrual cramps. Loving yourself involves the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an individual. Reprogram your subconscious to view the act as a gesture of self- love and empowerment. Make a date with yourself and take the time to do the special little things that usually get overlooked or put on the back burner because of family, career and other responsibilities. Find a quiet, warm place where you can be alone without interruption. Remember to turn on the answering machine! Take a hot bath, relax, and take some time to think about the things you like about yourself. Let the day's stress and worries fade away. Aromatic bath salts and oils can be added to your bath to induce further relaxation and help to heighten the intimacy you are creating. Rub yourself down with lotion or oil and take some time to caress and explore your body. Light a candle and put on your favorite sexy music. This is your time! Now that your relaxed, move to your bed, couch or wherever you are most comfortable.Positive creative fantasy can play a key role in building desire while you love yourself. Visualize your lover or create an imaginary lover with attributes you admire and that turn you on. One way to enhance your ability to fantasize is to review your favorite personal erotic memories in detail. Tenderly stroke your breasts, thighs and buttocks. Imagine it is a lover touching you. It is arousing to imagine that your dream lover is the one doing the caressing. There are many different ways to masturbate. We can moisten our fingertips with our own saliva or vaginal fluids, or use a purchased product such as K-Y Jelly or pure coconut oil from the health food store. Gently rub the clitoris with one hand while tweaking your nipple with the other. Rhythmically rub in a circular or an up and down motion. Experiment and explore what feels good to you. Use different levels of pressure and timing. Some women masturbate by crossing their legs while exerting steady rhythmic pressure to the entire genital area. Some women use a small pillow between their legs to rub against and achieve one orgasm after another. Try using a vibrator or dildo to stimulate and mimic the presence of the male member. Practice using muscle tension as a way to heighten or to bring on climax. I know of many women that stimulate themselves to orgasm with the stream from the shower.Let yourself go, don't try too hard, as you become sexually aroused you will feel the blood rush to your pelvis, clitoris and vulva, making you feel full and hot. Your senses become vivified as you let your life energy rocket into beautiful waves of ecstasy. This energy is just waiting for you to set it free and is there for you to explore and use at your will. Don't stifle your life energies. They are there for you to enjoy, so let the damn break and let the river flow. Enjoy your beautiful body/mind/soul and celebrate that individual beauty that makes you so unique.
The Mature Man's Sexuality
The Mature Man's Sexuality How can I revitalize a sagging sex life?
As a man ages, his testosterone levels drop starting at around the age of thirty. By age 80 he generally produces one-third the amount than he did at twenty. This lowered level of testosterone can lead to waning libido. Typically the focus on lost sexual desire has been made on women and menopause. Aging and hormonal changes do not necessarily lead to the death of your sex life. Remember that our sexuality is not isolated to the percentage of sex hormones produced by our glands. We must maintain intimacy with our loved one if we desire to keep the fire in the bedroom, as we grow older. Remember that it takes two to tango! Open communication and the willingness to make the effort to stay close is what will ultimately lead to maintaining a healthy sex life in our golden years. The changes in sexual response as a man ages linked to waning testosterone levels usually show themselves in these ways; It may take him longer to become erect; More variation may be needed in arousal techniques to achieve an erection; It may take him longer to ejaculate; Ejaculations may be less forceful or explosive; The time between ejaculations may be longer; His erection becomes flaccid sooner after he ejaculates. What measures can I take to counter the effects of aging on my man's libido? How can I revitalize a sagging sex life? You are given some unique opportunities of gaining a more aggressive role in the bedroom. The lack of intensity of his sexual urges is not necessarily a bad thing for him or his partner. This gives you both an opportunity to play, experiment and become more intimate than ever before. He is less likely to be primarily focused on a screaming orgasm and more willing to take his time at being the sensitive and tender lover. Be sure to open communications with him about the changes taking place. Let him know that there is no need to feel embarrassed. He may become sensitive to the fact that he is experiencing these changes and pull away from you sexually. Some partners may take this withdrawal personally if they don't understand what is happening with their man. Talk to him. Give yourselves more time for foreplay and become creative in the bedroom. Reassure him that he is still vital and alive. Another factor that may surface is how sexually active you have been in the past. Remember that is important to Use it or lose it! A study in the British Medical Journal; 'Sex and Death, Are They Related?' Davey Smith, G. et al. (1997) showed that Scientists have discovered that men who have frequent orgasms live longer. Researchers found that men who have sex at least twice a week have a 50% lower risk of death than men who have sex than once a month. Impotence Causing Medications:American Family Physician has reported that one out of four cases of impotence were the result of drug side effects. If your mate is having erectile problems check with his doctor to find out if his medications are causing the problem. Aphrodisiacs:These are agents that help to arouse or intensify sexual desire. Remember that a healthy lifestyle is the best way to ensure a full and satisfying sex life. Fresh air and nature can invigorate and stimulate us. Regular exercise can increase blood flow and thereby help to stimulate the libido. A common Oriental saying is "The most natural aphrodisiac for a man is a beautiful woman, passionately asking to be enjoyed." Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't, so here are a few more hints. Herbal Preparations:Damiana Tunera aphrodisiaca, UrB. Damania herb has been used throughout the ages to cure sexual impotence. It has a strong tonic action on the central nervous system and the hormonal systems, acting as an anti- depressant for treating sexual dysfunction. Mexican natives have traditionally used this herb to increase the libido. It is sometimes mixed with Saw Palmetto Berries as a general tonic for the reproductive organs. Be careful, this one is potent! Angelica Root Angelica archangelicaAngelica is another potent root used to improve circulation and warm the body. It is helpful in the treatment of colds, coughs and all lung diseases. It is also used for treating rheumatic problems. It is a general tonic for improving sexual function. Do not use this root during pregnancy. Diabetics should not use it either, as it increases blood sugar levels. Aphrodisiacs of the OrientAstragalus Astragalus hoantchy Huang chi Bok Kay This is a general tonic and stimulant used to increase energy and build resistance to weakness and disease. It is a valuable diuretic. It is frequently used in Chinese formulas for the treatment of sexual inadequacy. Ginseng Root Panax ginseng Jen sheng Ren shengRed ginseng root is an excellent choice for treating sexual dysfunction. It is considered the king of eastern tonics. Ginseng stimulates the entire system to overcome stress and fatigue. It is a beneficial stimulant for the heart and circulatory system. Ginseng reduces "bad" cholesterol and prevents atherosclerosis. It is not recommended for women that have excessive menstrual flow. Deer Antler Sika Red DeerThe antlers of the Sika Red Deer from Northern China are used as a powerful aphrodisiac for both men and women. Deer Antlers are ground and generally made into a tincture form. It stimulates the hormonal system. Other traditional eastern aphrodisiacs include:Ginger root, fennel, mushrooms, black beans, onions, gourds, carrots, wild asparagus, figs, wild rhubarb, licorice, almonds, pistachio nuts, pine nuts, sesame seeds, cinnamon, nutmeg, saffron, black pepper, raisins, grapes, walnuts, honey, millet, orange seeds, as well as wine infused with herbal aphrodisiacs made from grapes, pomegranates, and wild flowers. Aphrodisiacs from animal sources include: Eggs, goat milk, wild fowl, mussels, oysters, fish eggs (caviar), and salmon. There are also aphrodisiacs that can be applied directly to the sex organs. These are used primarily to heat up or cool one down. Great care must be made when mixing together your own concoctions as burning and irritation can result. Many lubricant and general love making aids can be found discretely on-line.
As a man ages, his testosterone levels drop starting at around the age of thirty. By age 80 he generally produces one-third the amount than he did at twenty. This lowered level of testosterone can lead to waning libido. Typically the focus on lost sexual desire has been made on women and menopause. Aging and hormonal changes do not necessarily lead to the death of your sex life. Remember that our sexuality is not isolated to the percentage of sex hormones produced by our glands. We must maintain intimacy with our loved one if we desire to keep the fire in the bedroom, as we grow older. Remember that it takes two to tango! Open communication and the willingness to make the effort to stay close is what will ultimately lead to maintaining a healthy sex life in our golden years. The changes in sexual response as a man ages linked to waning testosterone levels usually show themselves in these ways; It may take him longer to become erect; More variation may be needed in arousal techniques to achieve an erection; It may take him longer to ejaculate; Ejaculations may be less forceful or explosive; The time between ejaculations may be longer; His erection becomes flaccid sooner after he ejaculates. What measures can I take to counter the effects of aging on my man's libido? How can I revitalize a sagging sex life? You are given some unique opportunities of gaining a more aggressive role in the bedroom. The lack of intensity of his sexual urges is not necessarily a bad thing for him or his partner. This gives you both an opportunity to play, experiment and become more intimate than ever before. He is less likely to be primarily focused on a screaming orgasm and more willing to take his time at being the sensitive and tender lover. Be sure to open communications with him about the changes taking place. Let him know that there is no need to feel embarrassed. He may become sensitive to the fact that he is experiencing these changes and pull away from you sexually. Some partners may take this withdrawal personally if they don't understand what is happening with their man. Talk to him. Give yourselves more time for foreplay and become creative in the bedroom. Reassure him that he is still vital and alive. Another factor that may surface is how sexually active you have been in the past. Remember that is important to Use it or lose it! A study in the British Medical Journal; 'Sex and Death, Are They Related?' Davey Smith, G. et al. (1997) showed that Scientists have discovered that men who have frequent orgasms live longer. Researchers found that men who have sex at least twice a week have a 50% lower risk of death than men who have sex than once a month. Impotence Causing Medications:American Family Physician has reported that one out of four cases of impotence were the result of drug side effects. If your mate is having erectile problems check with his doctor to find out if his medications are causing the problem. Aphrodisiacs:These are agents that help to arouse or intensify sexual desire. Remember that a healthy lifestyle is the best way to ensure a full and satisfying sex life. Fresh air and nature can invigorate and stimulate us. Regular exercise can increase blood flow and thereby help to stimulate the libido. A common Oriental saying is "The most natural aphrodisiac for a man is a beautiful woman, passionately asking to be enjoyed." Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't, so here are a few more hints. Herbal Preparations:Damiana Tunera aphrodisiaca, UrB. Damania herb has been used throughout the ages to cure sexual impotence. It has a strong tonic action on the central nervous system and the hormonal systems, acting as an anti- depressant for treating sexual dysfunction. Mexican natives have traditionally used this herb to increase the libido. It is sometimes mixed with Saw Palmetto Berries as a general tonic for the reproductive organs. Be careful, this one is potent! Angelica Root Angelica archangelicaAngelica is another potent root used to improve circulation and warm the body. It is helpful in the treatment of colds, coughs and all lung diseases. It is also used for treating rheumatic problems. It is a general tonic for improving sexual function. Do not use this root during pregnancy. Diabetics should not use it either, as it increases blood sugar levels. Aphrodisiacs of the OrientAstragalus Astragalus hoantchy Huang chi Bok Kay This is a general tonic and stimulant used to increase energy and build resistance to weakness and disease. It is a valuable diuretic. It is frequently used in Chinese formulas for the treatment of sexual inadequacy. Ginseng Root Panax ginseng Jen sheng Ren shengRed ginseng root is an excellent choice for treating sexual dysfunction. It is considered the king of eastern tonics. Ginseng stimulates the entire system to overcome stress and fatigue. It is a beneficial stimulant for the heart and circulatory system. Ginseng reduces "bad" cholesterol and prevents atherosclerosis. It is not recommended for women that have excessive menstrual flow. Deer Antler Sika Red DeerThe antlers of the Sika Red Deer from Northern China are used as a powerful aphrodisiac for both men and women. Deer Antlers are ground and generally made into a tincture form. It stimulates the hormonal system. Other traditional eastern aphrodisiacs include:Ginger root, fennel, mushrooms, black beans, onions, gourds, carrots, wild asparagus, figs, wild rhubarb, licorice, almonds, pistachio nuts, pine nuts, sesame seeds, cinnamon, nutmeg, saffron, black pepper, raisins, grapes, walnuts, honey, millet, orange seeds, as well as wine infused with herbal aphrodisiacs made from grapes, pomegranates, and wild flowers. Aphrodisiacs from animal sources include: Eggs, goat milk, wild fowl, mussels, oysters, fish eggs (caviar), and salmon. There are also aphrodisiacs that can be applied directly to the sex organs. These are used primarily to heat up or cool one down. Great care must be made when mixing together your own concoctions as burning and irritation can result. Many lubricant and general love making aids can be found discretely on-line.
Releasing the Wild-Woman Within
Releasing the Wild-Woman WithinBy tapping into your wild self you can relax and let your sexuality free.
In most cultures over the ages the patriarchy have repressed women to the extent that we are no longer in touch with our deepest primordial selves. Our instinctual natures, the seat of our souls has been under siege and it's high time we work on getting back in touch with the wild woman within. I am not implying that we must toss the baby carriage. Not at all, but we must dig down and ignite that soul-fire, be true to our inner natures so that we can be well balanced individuals connected with the earth, the higher powers and with each other. There is a big difference between being subservient and being true to our nurturing natures. Subservience comes from social pressure and fear. Nurturing comes from the heart with love. Many European and Oriental myths surrounding the essence of the wild woman show that the repression and rejection of the creative life force, the wild woman essence can twist and turn that force into a destructive and crazy energy. The vital, wild life energy is suppressed and broken down by the civilizing of children at an early age. This transaction of repressing the spontaneous actions is the beginning of the end of our wild intuitiveness. Yes, we do need to behave, control some of our urges if we are to live together in a society without harming others or ourselves. But with that, we must learn to allow ourselves to maintain our connections with the elements and our basic life fires. A good friend of mine always said "Don't should on yourself". Does it come from the heart or from obligation and what society expects from you? We could avoid many illnesses and bad relationships if we just act and "behave" true to our inner natures or heart's desires. It may take years of affirming and reprogramming our conscious mind to let our passions flow out. The first step you can take when you feel a need to do something creative, or something for yourself is to "just do it". Catch yourself when you constantly put the paperwork or the laundry ahead of your soul time. Affirm that it is important to feed your wild self and it is a must to nurture yourself as well as your loved ones. Remember that an empty vessel cannot pour. The next time you see the children running through the park and think, oh to be young again, get up out of your seat and run with them. One day I was running and twirling with my daughter and her friends at the park where I noticed a mom waiting for her kids in her car. Her daughter stopped and watched us for a couple minutes and then went to her car and pulled her mommy out. She followed her daughter to the swings; the two of them played, laughed and had a good time. I caught the other mom's eye and we shared a moment of pure wild child bliss. Your sexual soul urge is deeply connected to your instinctual nature. By tapping into your wild self you can relax and let your sexuality free. Feed your sex. Dream, fantasize, and create your own animal. Most of all have fun and experiment and get to the root of your being. Let it out! Make sure you have some quiet reflection time to listen to yourself and tune into your needs. Then make them a reality. No one is going to do it for you!
In most cultures over the ages the patriarchy have repressed women to the extent that we are no longer in touch with our deepest primordial selves. Our instinctual natures, the seat of our souls has been under siege and it's high time we work on getting back in touch with the wild woman within. I am not implying that we must toss the baby carriage. Not at all, but we must dig down and ignite that soul-fire, be true to our inner natures so that we can be well balanced individuals connected with the earth, the higher powers and with each other. There is a big difference between being subservient and being true to our nurturing natures. Subservience comes from social pressure and fear. Nurturing comes from the heart with love. Many European and Oriental myths surrounding the essence of the wild woman show that the repression and rejection of the creative life force, the wild woman essence can twist and turn that force into a destructive and crazy energy. The vital, wild life energy is suppressed and broken down by the civilizing of children at an early age. This transaction of repressing the spontaneous actions is the beginning of the end of our wild intuitiveness. Yes, we do need to behave, control some of our urges if we are to live together in a society without harming others or ourselves. But with that, we must learn to allow ourselves to maintain our connections with the elements and our basic life fires. A good friend of mine always said "Don't should on yourself". Does it come from the heart or from obligation and what society expects from you? We could avoid many illnesses and bad relationships if we just act and "behave" true to our inner natures or heart's desires. It may take years of affirming and reprogramming our conscious mind to let our passions flow out. The first step you can take when you feel a need to do something creative, or something for yourself is to "just do it". Catch yourself when you constantly put the paperwork or the laundry ahead of your soul time. Affirm that it is important to feed your wild self and it is a must to nurture yourself as well as your loved ones. Remember that an empty vessel cannot pour. The next time you see the children running through the park and think, oh to be young again, get up out of your seat and run with them. One day I was running and twirling with my daughter and her friends at the park where I noticed a mom waiting for her kids in her car. Her daughter stopped and watched us for a couple minutes and then went to her car and pulled her mommy out. She followed her daughter to the swings; the two of them played, laughed and had a good time. I caught the other mom's eye and we shared a moment of pure wild child bliss. Your sexual soul urge is deeply connected to your instinctual nature. By tapping into your wild self you can relax and let your sexuality free. Feed your sex. Dream, fantasize, and create your own animal. Most of all have fun and experiment and get to the root of your being. Let it out! Make sure you have some quiet reflection time to listen to yourself and tune into your needs. Then make them a reality. No one is going to do it for you!
Phone Sex
Phone SexGreat foreplay for the woman on the go.
Next time that you're aching for some extra attention or just a thrill, call him. Whether you have only been seeing each other for a short time or have been married for 13 years you can use the sexy phone talk to keep him hot for you. This is great foreplay for the woman on the go. You can get him going, tease him even more while cooking dinner together. Bend over the kitchen counter and rotate that butt, run your fingers through his hair and whisper what you want from him, before the dinner boils over! Then you can continue with the tease. Taking it a step further and acting out what you have verbally already tortured him with your wild woman ways. Tell him in very specific terms just exactly what you would like him to do to you and vise-versa. Describe your body; whether you are thin or fat forget about the body image thing that the media dictates. Describe your virtues. This sounds cliché' but describe what your wearing and be sure to be wearing something extra sexy! Remember that men are visually oriented so give him something he can picture in his head and then transfer to his glands! It's so much fun too! At first you may feel silly but just picture him and you can go on from there! Take it to another step and send him sexy e-mail. But you have to be careful as to who will see the mail. No sense in ruining a good thing. Get him going and you hot as a chili pepper just make sure no one gets hurt. Remember that having sex more often makes you better able to keep fired up longer and stronger. So just like any other activity, practice makes perfect. The brain circuits governing sex when stimulated regularly can better be read faster and longer offering better and longer sexual encounters. Plus regular sex can help you to sleep better, relieve menstrual cramps and improve your all over health according to Ava Cadell, PH. D. a Los Angeles sexologist. Keep his hormones as well as yours going strong. Just remember that men think about sex all the time. They tend to like to wander and jump on many different conquests. So we who want to keep our hubbies or man friends coming back to us have to keep the fires burning. Keep things interesting and hotter than he expects and he'll keep coming back for more!
Next time that you're aching for some extra attention or just a thrill, call him. Whether you have only been seeing each other for a short time or have been married for 13 years you can use the sexy phone talk to keep him hot for you. This is great foreplay for the woman on the go. You can get him going, tease him even more while cooking dinner together. Bend over the kitchen counter and rotate that butt, run your fingers through his hair and whisper what you want from him, before the dinner boils over! Then you can continue with the tease. Taking it a step further and acting out what you have verbally already tortured him with your wild woman ways. Tell him in very specific terms just exactly what you would like him to do to you and vise-versa. Describe your body; whether you are thin or fat forget about the body image thing that the media dictates. Describe your virtues. This sounds cliché' but describe what your wearing and be sure to be wearing something extra sexy! Remember that men are visually oriented so give him something he can picture in his head and then transfer to his glands! It's so much fun too! At first you may feel silly but just picture him and you can go on from there! Take it to another step and send him sexy e-mail. But you have to be careful as to who will see the mail. No sense in ruining a good thing. Get him going and you hot as a chili pepper just make sure no one gets hurt. Remember that having sex more often makes you better able to keep fired up longer and stronger. So just like any other activity, practice makes perfect. The brain circuits governing sex when stimulated regularly can better be read faster and longer offering better and longer sexual encounters. Plus regular sex can help you to sleep better, relieve menstrual cramps and improve your all over health according to Ava Cadell, PH. D. a Los Angeles sexologist. Keep his hormones as well as yours going strong. Just remember that men think about sex all the time. They tend to like to wander and jump on many different conquests. So we who want to keep our hubbies or man friends coming back to us have to keep the fires burning. Keep things interesting and hotter than he expects and he'll keep coming back for more!
The French Kiss
The French KissWhat better way to unleash the animal in you.
I just couldn't resist the subject of The French Kiss! I hardly think the French invented it. I imagine we have been doing it since the beginning of time, when it comes down to basics; we are only a cognitive soul in an animal body. Some people may have an aversion to tongue kissing, but I can't imagine a life without the wet, delicious, sensual communication of erotic intent. What better way to unleash your animal than to slowly work your way to the ultimate with your lover? French Kissing is one of the most exciting acts you can share before engaging in direct sexual contact. If you want to know if your prospective new lover is good in bed, before you find yourself let down in the bedroom, make sure to kiss them deeply. If your prospective lover is awkward, and your sexual chemistry doesn't flow at this point, I can bet the sex will be a big disappointment as well. Most women of experience will tell you that they undoubtedly never make it to the next level of sexual intimacy if he isn't a good kisser. Ok, you're not ready to give up on him yet. He/she has so many other qualities that turn you on. How can I teach him to be a better kisser? If the chemistry is wrong-don't waste too much time trying to get him to get it right, but it can't hurt to give him a few lessons, sometimes practice makes perfect. Make sure you are both comfortable and relaxed. Show him what you want him to do by example-by taking the lead and kissing him first. If he's unsure of himself -he will mimic you. Bite his bottom lip and suck it. Encircle his lips with your tongue. Flirt and tease him by flitting just the tip of your tongue just past his lips, then as she/he loosens up push your tongue deeper into your lover's mouth. Suck their tongue into your mouth. Pull away and tease him again and kiss his neck working your way to his mouth for more instructions! If things are progressing how you want-you may reward him by sucking and licking his finger/s. Pull his hand to your mouth and show him what your capable of! Don't forget to touch his face enticingly and run your fingers through his hair or over his head. This will make him feel endeared and special. As your lover becomes excited he should be less inhibited and more apt to follow his bodies impulses. If not, and he just can't relax enough to tune into you, you may want to rethink going any further. If he can't be comfortable enough with himself and his sexuality to handle an intimate kiss- just think what he'd be like in more intimate sexual positions. Remember that a good sexual connection is not everything in a relationship, but honestly, I can't imagine being in a lover's relationship without it! It is the glue that can hold a relationship together through thick and through thin. So take a deep breath, lick your lips, and kiss him deeply- before you get naked and take your time before hopping into bed with someone-you're worth the wait. And remember to thank heaven for the French Kiss! This article is written by Debora Myers, Editor-In-Chief ofLadyfire, the award-winning community for modern women. Featuring: Literature, romance and love stories, articles of empowerment, inspiration, women's issues, health, self-esteem, advice, horoscopes, chat and stellar recipes
I just couldn't resist the subject of The French Kiss! I hardly think the French invented it. I imagine we have been doing it since the beginning of time, when it comes down to basics; we are only a cognitive soul in an animal body. Some people may have an aversion to tongue kissing, but I can't imagine a life without the wet, delicious, sensual communication of erotic intent. What better way to unleash your animal than to slowly work your way to the ultimate with your lover? French Kissing is one of the most exciting acts you can share before engaging in direct sexual contact. If you want to know if your prospective new lover is good in bed, before you find yourself let down in the bedroom, make sure to kiss them deeply. If your prospective lover is awkward, and your sexual chemistry doesn't flow at this point, I can bet the sex will be a big disappointment as well. Most women of experience will tell you that they undoubtedly never make it to the next level of sexual intimacy if he isn't a good kisser. Ok, you're not ready to give up on him yet. He/she has so many other qualities that turn you on. How can I teach him to be a better kisser? If the chemistry is wrong-don't waste too much time trying to get him to get it right, but it can't hurt to give him a few lessons, sometimes practice makes perfect. Make sure you are both comfortable and relaxed. Show him what you want him to do by example-by taking the lead and kissing him first. If he's unsure of himself -he will mimic you. Bite his bottom lip and suck it. Encircle his lips with your tongue. Flirt and tease him by flitting just the tip of your tongue just past his lips, then as she/he loosens up push your tongue deeper into your lover's mouth. Suck their tongue into your mouth. Pull away and tease him again and kiss his neck working your way to his mouth for more instructions! If things are progressing how you want-you may reward him by sucking and licking his finger/s. Pull his hand to your mouth and show him what your capable of! Don't forget to touch his face enticingly and run your fingers through his hair or over his head. This will make him feel endeared and special. As your lover becomes excited he should be less inhibited and more apt to follow his bodies impulses. If not, and he just can't relax enough to tune into you, you may want to rethink going any further. If he can't be comfortable enough with himself and his sexuality to handle an intimate kiss- just think what he'd be like in more intimate sexual positions. Remember that a good sexual connection is not everything in a relationship, but honestly, I can't imagine being in a lover's relationship without it! It is the glue that can hold a relationship together through thick and through thin. So take a deep breath, lick your lips, and kiss him deeply- before you get naked and take your time before hopping into bed with someone-you're worth the wait. And remember to thank heaven for the French Kiss! This article is written by Debora Myers, Editor-In-Chief ofLadyfire, the award-winning community for modern women. Featuring: Literature, romance and love stories, articles of empowerment, inspiration, women's issues, health, self-esteem, advice, horoscopes, chat and stellar recipes
Sensuality and Joy Is sensuality reserved for under the covers After the Light are out.
Sensuality and JoyIs sensuality reserved for under thecovers after the lights are out,
Do you take in a big breath of air, notice how blue the sky is when you step out your door in the morning, how the birds are singing, filling your heart with joy? Do you notice and enjoy the cool morning breeze and how it feels on your skin. Do you celebrate the fact that you awoke to find your snoring husband annoying or do you snuggle closer to him to feel his warm body and smell his morning man musk and take delight in it? Is sensuality reserved for under the covers after the lights are out? It takes quite a bit of stamina just to make it through the day for most of us. Survival and obligations take most of our time. Am I silly to be suggesting that we nurture and develop our sensuality? How the heck is it possible to be sensual while drudging through our daily tasks? You may be wondering if I'm being realistic. She's nuts you're thinking. Should I try to be more sensual as I'm carrying out the garbage or cleaning the bathroom? How in the world can I be sensual while typing up a program for the boss or filing last week's cases in the file cabinet? The description of sensuality in the dictionary refers to affecting any of the senses or sensory organs. One of the other definitions points out that sensuality has little to do with anything outside the worldly. I disagree. This definition of sensuality seems to reflect the western worlds disconnected view of life's aspects. From allopathic medicine, where the body systems are treated as separate entities to the way typical western cultures separate every aspect into it's own single little universe without understanding how everything relates with one another in the scheme of things is really unbalanced in my experience. Like the pebble in the pond, I know that every action creates a reaction; cause and effect. The definition also is quick to point out that spirituality and sensuality are opposites or not related. Well, there's our problem! I think this "boxed" way of relating is responsible for many of our various woes and illnesses in our selves and is reflected in society having difficulty relating to one another. I'll start with us as sensual individuals and then we can expand to its relatedness to others around us. Our senses can ignite strong feelings. The wet tickles of new grass on the bottom of our feet can be a very sensual experience. Carry those sensations a little further. How can you separate what those physical feelings invoke in your heart? You can't really. In your mind? For the world in which we live? Try to remind yourself how all of these aspects are connected. The grass under your feet should remind you just how great it is to be alive and walking! Remember that the grass is connected to our wonderful and perfectly balanced earth. Take the feelings that the wet tickly grass invoke, and let them expand outward. Expand your empathy and your love out of yourself. Let that joy expand into love for the world and it's inhabitants. By working on expanding your sensuality into every aspect of your life you become more balanced and more receptive to the beauties and small joys that can be overlooked in the hurry- scurry of our lives. Delight in the softness of your daughter's hair, and the love and joy will expand. Let joy radiate as you plant your garden feeling the suns warmth in the soil. Take the time to jump into the ocean or creek and revel in earth mothers birth waters. Pull in the vibrating life force that pulses all around us! See the homeless person and let yourself cry for him. Open yourself to it all. Let your senses initiate feelings and let your sensual feelings guide you to a full life. Copyright 2000 Ladyfire.comDebora Myers is a writer, editor and co-founder of: http://www.ladyfire.com The Hottest Community for Modern Women: Featuring: Romantic Love Stories, Empowerment, Fantasy, Sexuality, Horoscope Center, Esoteric Wisdom, Advice, Relationship Experts, Chat and Stellar Recipes. Your Passion for Life-Create Your Own Reality! Ladyfire offers expert advice, inspirational articles, stories, and techniques to build a foundation of empowerment for realizing your dreams. Ladyfire's Focus: Sexuality, Romance, Spirituality, Civil and Environmental Responsibility, Humor, The Paranormal, Relationships, Love, Health, Passion, Power! Free Newsletter-
Do you take in a big breath of air, notice how blue the sky is when you step out your door in the morning, how the birds are singing, filling your heart with joy? Do you notice and enjoy the cool morning breeze and how it feels on your skin. Do you celebrate the fact that you awoke to find your snoring husband annoying or do you snuggle closer to him to feel his warm body and smell his morning man musk and take delight in it? Is sensuality reserved for under the covers after the lights are out? It takes quite a bit of stamina just to make it through the day for most of us. Survival and obligations take most of our time. Am I silly to be suggesting that we nurture and develop our sensuality? How the heck is it possible to be sensual while drudging through our daily tasks? You may be wondering if I'm being realistic. She's nuts you're thinking. Should I try to be more sensual as I'm carrying out the garbage or cleaning the bathroom? How in the world can I be sensual while typing up a program for the boss or filing last week's cases in the file cabinet? The description of sensuality in the dictionary refers to affecting any of the senses or sensory organs. One of the other definitions points out that sensuality has little to do with anything outside the worldly. I disagree. This definition of sensuality seems to reflect the western worlds disconnected view of life's aspects. From allopathic medicine, where the body systems are treated as separate entities to the way typical western cultures separate every aspect into it's own single little universe without understanding how everything relates with one another in the scheme of things is really unbalanced in my experience. Like the pebble in the pond, I know that every action creates a reaction; cause and effect. The definition also is quick to point out that spirituality and sensuality are opposites or not related. Well, there's our problem! I think this "boxed" way of relating is responsible for many of our various woes and illnesses in our selves and is reflected in society having difficulty relating to one another. I'll start with us as sensual individuals and then we can expand to its relatedness to others around us. Our senses can ignite strong feelings. The wet tickles of new grass on the bottom of our feet can be a very sensual experience. Carry those sensations a little further. How can you separate what those physical feelings invoke in your heart? You can't really. In your mind? For the world in which we live? Try to remind yourself how all of these aspects are connected. The grass under your feet should remind you just how great it is to be alive and walking! Remember that the grass is connected to our wonderful and perfectly balanced earth. Take the feelings that the wet tickly grass invoke, and let them expand outward. Expand your empathy and your love out of yourself. Let that joy expand into love for the world and it's inhabitants. By working on expanding your sensuality into every aspect of your life you become more balanced and more receptive to the beauties and small joys that can be overlooked in the hurry- scurry of our lives. Delight in the softness of your daughter's hair, and the love and joy will expand. Let joy radiate as you plant your garden feeling the suns warmth in the soil. Take the time to jump into the ocean or creek and revel in earth mothers birth waters. Pull in the vibrating life force that pulses all around us! See the homeless person and let yourself cry for him. Open yourself to it all. Let your senses initiate feelings and let your sensual feelings guide you to a full life. Copyright 2000 Ladyfire.comDebora Myers is a writer, editor and co-founder of: http://www.ladyfire.com The Hottest Community for Modern Women: Featuring: Romantic Love Stories, Empowerment, Fantasy, Sexuality, Horoscope Center, Esoteric Wisdom, Advice, Relationship Experts, Chat and Stellar Recipes. Your Passion for Life-Create Your Own Reality! Ladyfire offers expert advice, inspirational articles, stories, and techniques to build a foundation of empowerment for realizing your dreams. Ladyfire's Focus: Sexuality, Romance, Spirituality, Civil and Environmental Responsibility, Humor, The Paranormal, Relationships, Love, Health, Passion, Power! Free Newsletter-
Allowing Yourself To Be Sexy Part I What Turns you on?
Allowing Yourself To Be Sexy(Or Rewriting Your Book Of Limitations)What makes people Sexy?
I'll be honest, I don't have a complete handle on "How To Be Sexy" yet, but I've got a pretty darn good one. What makes people sexy has been a sort of hobby of mine since I was a teen-ager, when I wanted to be a model, and I danced and was obsessed with fashion. In the past almost two years or so, (ever since my ex-husband and I separated, and I found myself single again for the first time in a decade) I've decided to dust off this hobby of mine and seriously study what being sexy is all about, just who's sexy and why, and how I can apply it to my own life. This article is the first in a series I plan to bring you on what I'm discovering. One of the things I learned a long time ago about success in general is that successful people aren't the most beautiful, the most talented, or the most intelligent--successful people (in any area of life) are the ones who decide they're worth going for what they want, and don't stop until they've achieved their goal. It's no different in regards to being sexy. Being successful at being sexy is a decision, a choice--regardless of your age, your size, your ethnic background, your educational background, or current economic situation. Regardless of media trends (and trend is the key word here) there is no one absolute standard for what is sexy either--who each of us finds sexy is a matter of personal taste. While there are some people a lot of us find quite sexy, no one person is going to be sexy to everyone, not even Pamela Lee or Cindy Crawford or Leonardo Di Caprio. The important kind of "being sexy"--the one that can't be destroyed by a bad hair day (or haircut), a blemish, or not being at your ideal weight--is the kind you feel within yourself, because you like who you are, and you're happy to share it with others (most especially your lover). Being truly sexy means you accept yourself. Easier said than done! Allowing yourself to be truly sexy from the inside out is no small feat--it's a lot of work, the most of which isn't cosmetic--it's reprogramming how you think and feel about yourself. Time and time again, year after year, I read of how people have had plastic surgery to fix some perceived flaw in their facial features only to see no change afterward--why? Because they haven't changed how they essentially feel about themselves, because the changes, though expensive and painful to go through, were only skin deep. Yes, a great new hairstyle, loosing weight, getting into better shape, and buying stylish new clothes, will all make you feel better and sexier--but if you only make those changes on the outside, and don't combine it with a change in attitude about yourself on the inside, you'll quickly go back to your old ways. Think about it, haven't you set a goal to improve your appearance, or loose weight, for a high school reunion, or a special event? Chances are you reached your goal, and looked great, and got lots of compliments, but after the big "to do" wasn't there a bit of a let down when you went back to your same every day life? And didn't you slip back into your old habits rather quickly? Another point I want you to think about is this--if you don't start with the inside, chances are you won't make the best decisions about how to really be "the best sexiest you" on the outside--you'll be easily swayed by the opinions and ideas of others regarding what makes the "sexiest you". You'll take the advice of whoever has the loudest good intentions. We've all made that mistake before haven't we? Only to get home from the mall and wonder, "what in the world was I thinking?" Sure we all need help in this department from time to time, we all need advice. But here's the rub--only when we're secure with who we are, and who we'd really like to present to the world, can we listen objectively and find those to give us advice and guidance who really know what they're talking about, and really know how to help bring out our individual best. I'm not advocating elaborate make-up and hair routines as a way to being sexy either, but I am advocating taking the time to look at yourself from a bunch of different angles, in a bunch of different ways, now and then, to make sure the "you" you've put together on the outside is the "you" that you are happy to be, and to present to the world. Most of us don't do this. The "you" that most of us have put together on the outside is in reaction to our internal "Book Of Limitations". This is my term for all of those negative labels we either gave to ourselves, or others gave to us (parents, peers, teachers etc.) when we were young, that sadly, most of us still carry around. It often makes for a very strange jumble of rules and boundaries within which we believe we must conduct ourselves in order to be acceptable. For this article we're just going to be focusing on how these limitations affect our ability to feel and be sexy, but of course this "Book of Limitations" affects every aspect of our lives. The reason we need to honestly look at and question these old negative labels is that most of them simply aren't true--or even if they held some truth at one time, they were probably only true in that moment. Think about it, what negative labels do you carry around in your head? Say them out loud, and write them down. Mine are things like lazy, irresponsible, head-in- the clouds, ugly, weird, not talented enough, negative. The list goes on and on. I'm sure yours does too. Now that you've got them there in front of you, think back to when you first remember who labelled you that way. In my case many of the labels came from my parents, if not directly, then they were things I labelled myself as assumptions to the way they behaved towards me. When I really started to look at these labels carefully I realized they didn't hold up. The monster under the bed, or in back of my brain, wasn't real--it wasn't me. In regards to coming of age, and my appearance, I picked up very mixed messages. I grew from being a skinny, little 90 lbs. 5'2" girl, to a 5'7" 120 lbs. girl with a woman's body. It seemed to happen overnight--somewhere between 8th and 9th grade. What I remember are a lot of leg cramps and my breasts growing so quickly the stretch marks on them were purple. It was a transformation I was not at all equipped for. Suddenly I wasn't being mistaken for a boy anymore, and I was being mistaken for being much older than I was. Without realizing that she was doing it, my Mom labelled me the one with the great body, and my sister the one with the beautiful face. From my point of view it seemed the sort of attention my sister received for her appearance was the good kind, and mine was not--especially since the attention could be very overt--focused straight at my rather new C cups and newly round rear end. I felt between a rock and a hard place. I wanted very much to be attractive, especially to the opposite sex, but I never felt pretty, or beautiful. Objectively I knew my standards I was judging myself against were higher than most, but that didn't help emotionally. My parents were strikingly good looking people, younger, cooler, and better dressed than anyone else's parents. Friends had crushes on them. From the age of 15 on my father was never ever considered anything but my boyfriend or my brother unless someone already knew he was my father--ever. I don't want to infer that adolescence for me was sheer hell. I did have a lot of fun too. There was a lot about high school that I enjoyed. I had a lot of friends, and quite a number of crushes and beaus, but even though I could be a wicked flirt and learned the art of double entendres to drive the boys crazy, I had no sense of being sexy for myself from the inside. Growing up the message I got about being sexy was that it was about power, the power of being a desired object, not about personal expression and enjoyment. My parents might look hip and cool but talking openly and pro actively to their children about sex wasn't one of them. We got the message not to come home pregnant, but that was about it. Now I'm taking the time to figure out what's authentically me--and funny thing, when I started joining dating websites and getting out and about again I found out that some men still react to me in a very overtly sexual manner. It was tough. I felt just as angry and embarrassed as I did in High School, but this time I realized that it's their problem not mine. This time I'm accepting and celebrating the body I was given (and have done a good job of keeping in shape), and learning that my sexiness comes from within and isn't something projected onto me because I fit a particular stereotype. Now I'm accepting that I'm a work in progress and that not only do others often project an image onto me that isn't real, I've projected an image onto myself that isn't, and it's time to let go of it. I invite you to take the time to do the same. No matter how busy your life is, no matter how many bills you've got to pay, or responsibilities you've got to handle, set aside time to make sure you're on the path to allowing yourself to be who you want to be--mentally and physically. For myself personally I'm accepting that it's okay for me to be as dress as sexy as I want when I'm in the mood for that, and no, there isn't that huge of a difference between me with make-up and me without after all. I still need to work on my sexuality from the inside and really accepting that it's about my own enjoyment too, and not just about giving. I don't need to always be in control either--scary but true! So how about doing it yourself? How about taking the time to question those negative labels of your own--if you haven't done it yet, I hope you'll start to now. Baby steps are just fine, whatever you can handle. But I guarantee once you start to really look chances are those negative labels aren't even true. In the near future I'm going to be talking to some experts on how we can learn to really live in our bodies, learn more about changing our limited thinking about ourselves, and make sure we're making the best of what we've been given to work with.
I'll be honest, I don't have a complete handle on "How To Be Sexy" yet, but I've got a pretty darn good one. What makes people sexy has been a sort of hobby of mine since I was a teen-ager, when I wanted to be a model, and I danced and was obsessed with fashion. In the past almost two years or so, (ever since my ex-husband and I separated, and I found myself single again for the first time in a decade) I've decided to dust off this hobby of mine and seriously study what being sexy is all about, just who's sexy and why, and how I can apply it to my own life. This article is the first in a series I plan to bring you on what I'm discovering. One of the things I learned a long time ago about success in general is that successful people aren't the most beautiful, the most talented, or the most intelligent--successful people (in any area of life) are the ones who decide they're worth going for what they want, and don't stop until they've achieved their goal. It's no different in regards to being sexy. Being successful at being sexy is a decision, a choice--regardless of your age, your size, your ethnic background, your educational background, or current economic situation. Regardless of media trends (and trend is the key word here) there is no one absolute standard for what is sexy either--who each of us finds sexy is a matter of personal taste. While there are some people a lot of us find quite sexy, no one person is going to be sexy to everyone, not even Pamela Lee or Cindy Crawford or Leonardo Di Caprio. The important kind of "being sexy"--the one that can't be destroyed by a bad hair day (or haircut), a blemish, or not being at your ideal weight--is the kind you feel within yourself, because you like who you are, and you're happy to share it with others (most especially your lover). Being truly sexy means you accept yourself. Easier said than done! Allowing yourself to be truly sexy from the inside out is no small feat--it's a lot of work, the most of which isn't cosmetic--it's reprogramming how you think and feel about yourself. Time and time again, year after year, I read of how people have had plastic surgery to fix some perceived flaw in their facial features only to see no change afterward--why? Because they haven't changed how they essentially feel about themselves, because the changes, though expensive and painful to go through, were only skin deep. Yes, a great new hairstyle, loosing weight, getting into better shape, and buying stylish new clothes, will all make you feel better and sexier--but if you only make those changes on the outside, and don't combine it with a change in attitude about yourself on the inside, you'll quickly go back to your old ways. Think about it, haven't you set a goal to improve your appearance, or loose weight, for a high school reunion, or a special event? Chances are you reached your goal, and looked great, and got lots of compliments, but after the big "to do" wasn't there a bit of a let down when you went back to your same every day life? And didn't you slip back into your old habits rather quickly? Another point I want you to think about is this--if you don't start with the inside, chances are you won't make the best decisions about how to really be "the best sexiest you" on the outside--you'll be easily swayed by the opinions and ideas of others regarding what makes the "sexiest you". You'll take the advice of whoever has the loudest good intentions. We've all made that mistake before haven't we? Only to get home from the mall and wonder, "what in the world was I thinking?" Sure we all need help in this department from time to time, we all need advice. But here's the rub--only when we're secure with who we are, and who we'd really like to present to the world, can we listen objectively and find those to give us advice and guidance who really know what they're talking about, and really know how to help bring out our individual best. I'm not advocating elaborate make-up and hair routines as a way to being sexy either, but I am advocating taking the time to look at yourself from a bunch of different angles, in a bunch of different ways, now and then, to make sure the "you" you've put together on the outside is the "you" that you are happy to be, and to present to the world. Most of us don't do this. The "you" that most of us have put together on the outside is in reaction to our internal "Book Of Limitations". This is my term for all of those negative labels we either gave to ourselves, or others gave to us (parents, peers, teachers etc.) when we were young, that sadly, most of us still carry around. It often makes for a very strange jumble of rules and boundaries within which we believe we must conduct ourselves in order to be acceptable. For this article we're just going to be focusing on how these limitations affect our ability to feel and be sexy, but of course this "Book of Limitations" affects every aspect of our lives. The reason we need to honestly look at and question these old negative labels is that most of them simply aren't true--or even if they held some truth at one time, they were probably only true in that moment. Think about it, what negative labels do you carry around in your head? Say them out loud, and write them down. Mine are things like lazy, irresponsible, head-in- the clouds, ugly, weird, not talented enough, negative. The list goes on and on. I'm sure yours does too. Now that you've got them there in front of you, think back to when you first remember who labelled you that way. In my case many of the labels came from my parents, if not directly, then they were things I labelled myself as assumptions to the way they behaved towards me. When I really started to look at these labels carefully I realized they didn't hold up. The monster under the bed, or in back of my brain, wasn't real--it wasn't me. In regards to coming of age, and my appearance, I picked up very mixed messages. I grew from being a skinny, little 90 lbs. 5'2" girl, to a 5'7" 120 lbs. girl with a woman's body. It seemed to happen overnight--somewhere between 8th and 9th grade. What I remember are a lot of leg cramps and my breasts growing so quickly the stretch marks on them were purple. It was a transformation I was not at all equipped for. Suddenly I wasn't being mistaken for a boy anymore, and I was being mistaken for being much older than I was. Without realizing that she was doing it, my Mom labelled me the one with the great body, and my sister the one with the beautiful face. From my point of view it seemed the sort of attention my sister received for her appearance was the good kind, and mine was not--especially since the attention could be very overt--focused straight at my rather new C cups and newly round rear end. I felt between a rock and a hard place. I wanted very much to be attractive, especially to the opposite sex, but I never felt pretty, or beautiful. Objectively I knew my standards I was judging myself against were higher than most, but that didn't help emotionally. My parents were strikingly good looking people, younger, cooler, and better dressed than anyone else's parents. Friends had crushes on them. From the age of 15 on my father was never ever considered anything but my boyfriend or my brother unless someone already knew he was my father--ever. I don't want to infer that adolescence for me was sheer hell. I did have a lot of fun too. There was a lot about high school that I enjoyed. I had a lot of friends, and quite a number of crushes and beaus, but even though I could be a wicked flirt and learned the art of double entendres to drive the boys crazy, I had no sense of being sexy for myself from the inside. Growing up the message I got about being sexy was that it was about power, the power of being a desired object, not about personal expression and enjoyment. My parents might look hip and cool but talking openly and pro actively to their children about sex wasn't one of them. We got the message not to come home pregnant, but that was about it. Now I'm taking the time to figure out what's authentically me--and funny thing, when I started joining dating websites and getting out and about again I found out that some men still react to me in a very overtly sexual manner. It was tough. I felt just as angry and embarrassed as I did in High School, but this time I realized that it's their problem not mine. This time I'm accepting and celebrating the body I was given (and have done a good job of keeping in shape), and learning that my sexiness comes from within and isn't something projected onto me because I fit a particular stereotype. Now I'm accepting that I'm a work in progress and that not only do others often project an image onto me that isn't real, I've projected an image onto myself that isn't, and it's time to let go of it. I invite you to take the time to do the same. No matter how busy your life is, no matter how many bills you've got to pay, or responsibilities you've got to handle, set aside time to make sure you're on the path to allowing yourself to be who you want to be--mentally and physically. For myself personally I'm accepting that it's okay for me to be as dress as sexy as I want when I'm in the mood for that, and no, there isn't that huge of a difference between me with make-up and me without after all. I still need to work on my sexuality from the inside and really accepting that it's about my own enjoyment too, and not just about giving. I don't need to always be in control either--scary but true! So how about doing it yourself? How about taking the time to question those negative labels of your own--if you haven't done it yet, I hope you'll start to now. Baby steps are just fine, whatever you can handle. But I guarantee once you start to really look chances are those negative labels aren't even true. In the near future I'm going to be talking to some experts on how we can learn to really live in our bodies, learn more about changing our limited thinking about ourselves, and make sure we're making the best of what we've been given to work with.
Allowing Yourself To Be Sexy Part II What Turns you on?
Allowing Yourself To Be Sexy Part IISo What Turns You On?
Recently a new email buddy reminded me of a quote that goes something like this "insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results". Alas, we're all guilty of it though, aren't we? Being so use to our familiar old ways and our familiar old pains, and hoping that somehow, some way, a miracle will happen and Cinderella will loan us her fairy Godmother to come down and wave her magic wand and make things better...because well, taking charge ourselves is really scary and doing something different and new could possibly mean, gosh, all kinds of new pain could come into our lives! Yes it could...but do you want to die living your life the way you are right now? Not to be morbid, but sometimes we need to shake ourselves up a bit and get a new grip. Chances are if you're reading this you'd like to have some things change in your love life. There's really no such thing as treading water in life--it may seem like things are staying the same as we follow our daily routine, but things are either growing or dying. We're either building muscles or letting them get a little slacker. Same goes for being sexy. Last time we talked about the "Book Of Limitations" we've all got. I hope it got you thinking and questioning mental assumptions about yourself. Now it's time to start looking in the mirror. Spring is here, but before our hearts can really go out dancing it's time to check in and find out where we're really at on this subject already. As Phillip C. McGraw states in his huge bestseller "Life Strategies" you can't change what you don't acknowledge. It's time to stop burying our heads in the sand when it comes to being sexy. It's time to start taking responsibility for it, and in order to do so; we need to take the time to realize just what turns us on as a starting point. As with most things this is easier said than done. Chances are you may have chatted about "whom" you find sexy with your friends in college, or perhaps, you mull it over a bit every time People magazine comes out with their "Sexiest Man" issue. But when is the last time you really thought about what sort of things and experiences you actually find sexy, and sat down to figure out why? (we'll get to who we find sexy in the next chapter, don't worry) It's all a matter of taste. What's yours? What sort of music gets you into the mood? What film has scenes that make your pulse race? How about places, or types of cuisine, or a particular style of decor? And which of your senses affects you the most? Are you the sort of person a particular piece of music, say an aria from Verde, puts into a sexy frame of mind? Are you the sort that gets turned on by shapely legs in elegant heels, or a man in a well cut Italian suit? What colours and fragrances thrill you? How about the written word? Can a particular poem or a particular story thrill you? Society has particular "ideals" of sensuous, but they may not be yours. A luxurious bath by candlelight, a massage, and sexy lingerie put many of us in the mood, but this might not be you--you might find a walk along the beach, or dancing the night away at your favourite club to your favourite music is actually what makes you feel really tuned into yourself and sexy. What's important is that you take the time to really figure out what you like, in all categories--sight, sound, scent, touch, taste. Be really specific, and don't just stop at one or two things, write as much down as occurs to you, keep adding whenever you think of something new. It may be tough in the beginning, if it's difficult to figure out what makes you feel turned on, how about just writing down what sorts of things make you feel good? Baby steps are A-okay. This is an exercise in allowing yourself to acknowledge and discover your taste. Why do the things you've written down put you in a great place? What do they make you feel? Free? Alive? Connected with your body in a way you usually aren't? Write it all down. Afraid someone's going to read it and laugh? Okay, that's possible--if you need to hide it. Make this list a safe place for you to know what you like. It's just for you, it's not for anyone else. But you will find the more tuned in with what you really like, what things and activities make you feel sexy, the easier it will be for you to share yourself with others, and to connect with those who have similar tastes. Now it's time to give yourself a pat on the back for how many of those things you're already incorporating into your life. Okay, it may not be many of them, and it may not be nearly often enough, but this is the baby steps plan, and it always starts with gratitude for what you've already accomplished. The more you appreciate yourself and your accomplishments the more you're going to allow yourself to try new things and experiences you think you might like. So you've got this list of things, you're okay with what you've already allowed yourself, but you'd like to allow more--now what? Take out your calendar and work some of them into your schedule. Don't bite off more than you can chew, you'll only overwhelm yourself and your budget. Be realistic. Small steps taken gradually are the way to go. Maybe you actually own some very nice pieces of lingerie, or some great sexy pieces of clothing that you've been saving for special occasions. Don't save them! Start wearing them just because you're worth it right here right now. If you don't think it's okay to be sexy just for yourself you're going to find it nearly impossible to be sexy for someone else. Being sexy is about being comfortable in your own skin, liking yourself, thinking you're worth the things you like and make you feel good. Again this isn't about running out and spending a lot of money, it's about investing time, effort and interest in yourself. It's about appreciating what you have, including yourself, and taking great care with it. Do you really need new shoes to feel great, or do you just need to polish the ones you have? If you drive a lot, maybe it's something as simple as making sure the sort of music that makes you feel great is in your car and not in the CD or cassette rack by the stereo. Maybe a particular fragrance really does it for you--does it come as a soap? Couldn't you buy a few bars of it, cut it up, put it in cotton handkerchiefs or those old scarves you never wear, and put it in all your underwear drawers? Hey, why can't guys do this too? Women love it when guys smell great. We all have that favourite outfit that we always get compliments on. What is it about that outfit that makes us feel and look great? Why can't all of our clothes make us feel and look that way? No, most of us can't afford to run out and buy a brand new wardrobe, but we can keep this in mind when we are ready to go buy something new. The next time you go shopping think of it as an investment in yourself and not just an outing to relieve stress, or to feel better about yourself by buying the latest hip thing. Set aside "x" amount of your clothing budget just for items that really make you feel sexy. Buy the very best, sexiest underwear you can afford--and feel comfortable in. This goes for men and women. So what if you can only afford one piece at a time? One piece a month adds up quickly and sooner than you know it you're wearing sexy seven days a week. So what if you have to hand wash some of it. Aren't you worth it? Nothing says I really like myself, and damn I'm sexy more than great underwear and lingerie--and remember, invest in the stuff you like, that flatters your figure that you feel good in. In closing I want to talk briefly about food. Too many of us don't deal well with food. We live in a very feast or famine culture. Often we're dieting or binging. Food is necessary for our health and well-being. Take a good look at how you handle food. Do you eat well? Do you eat a balanced diet? This has been a huge challenge for me as I'm a social eater. I love to cook--for others, when I'm by myself I want only the easiest and quickest things possible. Trust me, I've tried to exist on a yoghurt diet when I'm by myself out of sheer laziness--but it didn't keep me healthy, or give me energy to do much! Gradually I've learned not to just buy enough for a couple of days to keep me running, but to start thinking instead about having a well stocked pantry--just for me. Truly sexy people are healthy people, and healthy people have a balanced diet. They eat fruits and vegetables, they care about themselves enough to keep their larders stocked--which also makes others feel welcome in their home. It's wonderful to be able to offer a friend or a lover something wonderful to eat isn't it? Guys let me tell you, a man who can cook, even if it's just a few specialties is pretty damn sexy. A man who cares enough about his own well being and my well being to have yummy food in his fridge is even sexier. This last year or so I've had guys barbecue the perfect steak for me (and he picked it out at the grocery story and made the marinade), make me humus from scratch, and show me how to make the perfect roast chicken. I was quite impressed and they're very happy memories. You may not have time, or even like to cook much. That's okay. You can still buy all kinds of convenient foods at the grocery and speciality stores these days that tastes great, takes only minutes to make into a great meal, and are higher in nutritional value and lower on calories and fat than fast food. So how about it? What do you like? What turns you on? There's a world of possibilities, it's just up to you to figure it out.
Recently a new email buddy reminded me of a quote that goes something like this "insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results". Alas, we're all guilty of it though, aren't we? Being so use to our familiar old ways and our familiar old pains, and hoping that somehow, some way, a miracle will happen and Cinderella will loan us her fairy Godmother to come down and wave her magic wand and make things better...because well, taking charge ourselves is really scary and doing something different and new could possibly mean, gosh, all kinds of new pain could come into our lives! Yes it could...but do you want to die living your life the way you are right now? Not to be morbid, but sometimes we need to shake ourselves up a bit and get a new grip. Chances are if you're reading this you'd like to have some things change in your love life. There's really no such thing as treading water in life--it may seem like things are staying the same as we follow our daily routine, but things are either growing or dying. We're either building muscles or letting them get a little slacker. Same goes for being sexy. Last time we talked about the "Book Of Limitations" we've all got. I hope it got you thinking and questioning mental assumptions about yourself. Now it's time to start looking in the mirror. Spring is here, but before our hearts can really go out dancing it's time to check in and find out where we're really at on this subject already. As Phillip C. McGraw states in his huge bestseller "Life Strategies" you can't change what you don't acknowledge. It's time to stop burying our heads in the sand when it comes to being sexy. It's time to start taking responsibility for it, and in order to do so; we need to take the time to realize just what turns us on as a starting point. As with most things this is easier said than done. Chances are you may have chatted about "whom" you find sexy with your friends in college, or perhaps, you mull it over a bit every time People magazine comes out with their "Sexiest Man" issue. But when is the last time you really thought about what sort of things and experiences you actually find sexy, and sat down to figure out why? (we'll get to who we find sexy in the next chapter, don't worry) It's all a matter of taste. What's yours? What sort of music gets you into the mood? What film has scenes that make your pulse race? How about places, or types of cuisine, or a particular style of decor? And which of your senses affects you the most? Are you the sort of person a particular piece of music, say an aria from Verde, puts into a sexy frame of mind? Are you the sort that gets turned on by shapely legs in elegant heels, or a man in a well cut Italian suit? What colours and fragrances thrill you? How about the written word? Can a particular poem or a particular story thrill you? Society has particular "ideals" of sensuous, but they may not be yours. A luxurious bath by candlelight, a massage, and sexy lingerie put many of us in the mood, but this might not be you--you might find a walk along the beach, or dancing the night away at your favourite club to your favourite music is actually what makes you feel really tuned into yourself and sexy. What's important is that you take the time to really figure out what you like, in all categories--sight, sound, scent, touch, taste. Be really specific, and don't just stop at one or two things, write as much down as occurs to you, keep adding whenever you think of something new. It may be tough in the beginning, if it's difficult to figure out what makes you feel turned on, how about just writing down what sorts of things make you feel good? Baby steps are A-okay. This is an exercise in allowing yourself to acknowledge and discover your taste. Why do the things you've written down put you in a great place? What do they make you feel? Free? Alive? Connected with your body in a way you usually aren't? Write it all down. Afraid someone's going to read it and laugh? Okay, that's possible--if you need to hide it. Make this list a safe place for you to know what you like. It's just for you, it's not for anyone else. But you will find the more tuned in with what you really like, what things and activities make you feel sexy, the easier it will be for you to share yourself with others, and to connect with those who have similar tastes. Now it's time to give yourself a pat on the back for how many of those things you're already incorporating into your life. Okay, it may not be many of them, and it may not be nearly often enough, but this is the baby steps plan, and it always starts with gratitude for what you've already accomplished. The more you appreciate yourself and your accomplishments the more you're going to allow yourself to try new things and experiences you think you might like. So you've got this list of things, you're okay with what you've already allowed yourself, but you'd like to allow more--now what? Take out your calendar and work some of them into your schedule. Don't bite off more than you can chew, you'll only overwhelm yourself and your budget. Be realistic. Small steps taken gradually are the way to go. Maybe you actually own some very nice pieces of lingerie, or some great sexy pieces of clothing that you've been saving for special occasions. Don't save them! Start wearing them just because you're worth it right here right now. If you don't think it's okay to be sexy just for yourself you're going to find it nearly impossible to be sexy for someone else. Being sexy is about being comfortable in your own skin, liking yourself, thinking you're worth the things you like and make you feel good. Again this isn't about running out and spending a lot of money, it's about investing time, effort and interest in yourself. It's about appreciating what you have, including yourself, and taking great care with it. Do you really need new shoes to feel great, or do you just need to polish the ones you have? If you drive a lot, maybe it's something as simple as making sure the sort of music that makes you feel great is in your car and not in the CD or cassette rack by the stereo. Maybe a particular fragrance really does it for you--does it come as a soap? Couldn't you buy a few bars of it, cut it up, put it in cotton handkerchiefs or those old scarves you never wear, and put it in all your underwear drawers? Hey, why can't guys do this too? Women love it when guys smell great. We all have that favourite outfit that we always get compliments on. What is it about that outfit that makes us feel and look great? Why can't all of our clothes make us feel and look that way? No, most of us can't afford to run out and buy a brand new wardrobe, but we can keep this in mind when we are ready to go buy something new. The next time you go shopping think of it as an investment in yourself and not just an outing to relieve stress, or to feel better about yourself by buying the latest hip thing. Set aside "x" amount of your clothing budget just for items that really make you feel sexy. Buy the very best, sexiest underwear you can afford--and feel comfortable in. This goes for men and women. So what if you can only afford one piece at a time? One piece a month adds up quickly and sooner than you know it you're wearing sexy seven days a week. So what if you have to hand wash some of it. Aren't you worth it? Nothing says I really like myself, and damn I'm sexy more than great underwear and lingerie--and remember, invest in the stuff you like, that flatters your figure that you feel good in. In closing I want to talk briefly about food. Too many of us don't deal well with food. We live in a very feast or famine culture. Often we're dieting or binging. Food is necessary for our health and well-being. Take a good look at how you handle food. Do you eat well? Do you eat a balanced diet? This has been a huge challenge for me as I'm a social eater. I love to cook--for others, when I'm by myself I want only the easiest and quickest things possible. Trust me, I've tried to exist on a yoghurt diet when I'm by myself out of sheer laziness--but it didn't keep me healthy, or give me energy to do much! Gradually I've learned not to just buy enough for a couple of days to keep me running, but to start thinking instead about having a well stocked pantry--just for me. Truly sexy people are healthy people, and healthy people have a balanced diet. They eat fruits and vegetables, they care about themselves enough to keep their larders stocked--which also makes others feel welcome in their home. It's wonderful to be able to offer a friend or a lover something wonderful to eat isn't it? Guys let me tell you, a man who can cook, even if it's just a few specialties is pretty damn sexy. A man who cares enough about his own well being and my well being to have yummy food in his fridge is even sexier. This last year or so I've had guys barbecue the perfect steak for me (and he picked it out at the grocery story and made the marinade), make me humus from scratch, and show me how to make the perfect roast chicken. I was quite impressed and they're very happy memories. You may not have time, or even like to cook much. That's okay. You can still buy all kinds of convenient foods at the grocery and speciality stores these days that tastes great, takes only minutes to make into a great meal, and are higher in nutritional value and lower on calories and fat than fast food. So how about it? What do you like? What turns you on? There's a world of possibilities, it's just up to you to figure it out.
Love Making Magic III Realfirming Passion with Your Mate
Love Making Magic IIIReaffirming Passion with Your Mate
Ok, now you're feeling better and more energized because you've been taking better care of yourself. No more guilt trips, no more over-doing it…but your mate isn't following your lead and has been a stickler to be around. At home I'd use another adjective but will refrain from my earthier descriptions in consideration of our more ladylike sisters. He's grumpy and short-tempered and the last person you'd want to be intimate with. That does pose a problem. How do you get him to mellow out and be responsive to your passionate longings? He isn't going to be the initiator of love when he's grumpy and stressed. You will have to be the dominant one. If dominant makes you feel uneasy how about the "leader."
Follow the Leader-Let's face it. Were just thinking creatures that mimic one another. Look at fashion, religion, the way we speak…everything we do is a mimic of another, only from different angles.
Take the lead. Nurture him with kind words and take the extra time to be thoughtful. Soften him up. It may take a day or two…
Surprise him in the shower. While he's in the hot water, all relaxed and warm, slip in with him and scrub his back. Rub him down good with your soapy hands, and rub your body against his. Tell him how beautiful he is and that you love looking at him. Everyone loves to hear that!
After he's clean, and you've sufficiently teased him, dry him off with the towel. Make sure to rub him down vigorously all over, it will help to stimulate his circulation and will feel really good to him. Don't forget to dry between his toes and his jewels (being gentler with those of course, you want him to feel treasured)…. Make sure you are totally naked while doing this, as you are rubbing him down you will be jiggling in all the right spots and guys being guys, well they like to see you jiggle. His mood should be improving by now…
Take him into the bedroom and gently push him to the bed and lock the door. Turn on the clock radio if necessary (so he won't be inhibited by the kids hearing him moan…) Continue telling him how much you love him and how wonderful he is as you go down on him. Now, shy little or big sis, whatever, do not be inhibited by the next set of instructions. He will love it, so get over being embarrassed and just know that he's going to be de-grumped by the time you're finished with him.
Make sure his head is propped with the pillows -- he needs to have a good view. Straddle him so that you are facing his feet, with your rear and flower right in his face! The 69 position, but don't quite let him get to your flower yet. You just want him to watch. He's going to want you - sooooooooooooooo badly by the time you've followed these sextructions. Position yourself so that he can see your lovely flower but also so that he can get a view underneath you to watch your breasts moving and so he can watch as you give him head. Make sure to let your breasts touch him once in a while…
Now, focus your attention on his genitals and thighs. Lick him all over and then give him head. Spend most of your time teasing his helmet, but once in a while take his entire shaft, (or as much as you possibly can) but just enough to make him crazy. You want to tease him for quite a while. Don't let him touch you at this point. You want to torture him. Smack his hands if he tries to grab, stroke or finger you. (He's gonna try, so make sure to tell him that he has to wait. That you want him to focus entirely on the show and his pleasure.) You can also touch yourself enticingly, show him a little more…but don't bring him to the exploding point yet. You want him to connect with you and your heart, not your rear-view.
Give him at the very least 2o or so minutes of this or until your back…gives out. Then turn to face him, straddle him again and rub your yoni against his shaft until he starts to beg, than plunge down on top of him. If you start the motion immediately he most likely will explode, depending on how long you gave him head. You also want to make a deeper connection and can do so by just looking passionately into his eyes as he is inside you. Kiss him on the mouth, tease his lips with your tongue and don't let him thrust. Just clamp down on him with your body weight and pin him down.
Then, before you get tired, or a backache, or whatever, love him for all you're worth! You should be so excited by now that you come immediately too. But this one was really for him. Sometimes we need to give, in order to get. Don't just wait around for him to give you the treatment. While your laying together and he is telling you how great that was, how much he loves you…you can suggest he show you next time!
Debora Myers is a writer, editor, and co-founder
Build Your Passion for Life-Create Your Own Reality!Ladyfire offers expert advice, inspirational articles, stories, and techniques to build a foundation of empowerment for realizing your dreams. Ladyfire's Focus: Sexuality, Romance, Spirituality, Civil and Environmental Responsibility, Humor, The Paranormal, Relationships, Love, Health, Passion, Power! Sign up for our free Newsletter-
Ok, now you're feeling better and more energized because you've been taking better care of yourself. No more guilt trips, no more over-doing it…but your mate isn't following your lead and has been a stickler to be around. At home I'd use another adjective but will refrain from my earthier descriptions in consideration of our more ladylike sisters. He's grumpy and short-tempered and the last person you'd want to be intimate with. That does pose a problem. How do you get him to mellow out and be responsive to your passionate longings? He isn't going to be the initiator of love when he's grumpy and stressed. You will have to be the dominant one. If dominant makes you feel uneasy how about the "leader."
Follow the Leader-Let's face it. Were just thinking creatures that mimic one another. Look at fashion, religion, the way we speak…everything we do is a mimic of another, only from different angles.
Take the lead. Nurture him with kind words and take the extra time to be thoughtful. Soften him up. It may take a day or two…
Surprise him in the shower. While he's in the hot water, all relaxed and warm, slip in with him and scrub his back. Rub him down good with your soapy hands, and rub your body against his. Tell him how beautiful he is and that you love looking at him. Everyone loves to hear that!
After he's clean, and you've sufficiently teased him, dry him off with the towel. Make sure to rub him down vigorously all over, it will help to stimulate his circulation and will feel really good to him. Don't forget to dry between his toes and his jewels (being gentler with those of course, you want him to feel treasured)…. Make sure you are totally naked while doing this, as you are rubbing him down you will be jiggling in all the right spots and guys being guys, well they like to see you jiggle. His mood should be improving by now…
Take him into the bedroom and gently push him to the bed and lock the door. Turn on the clock radio if necessary (so he won't be inhibited by the kids hearing him moan…) Continue telling him how much you love him and how wonderful he is as you go down on him. Now, shy little or big sis, whatever, do not be inhibited by the next set of instructions. He will love it, so get over being embarrassed and just know that he's going to be de-grumped by the time you're finished with him.
Make sure his head is propped with the pillows -- he needs to have a good view. Straddle him so that you are facing his feet, with your rear and flower right in his face! The 69 position, but don't quite let him get to your flower yet. You just want him to watch. He's going to want you - sooooooooooooooo badly by the time you've followed these sextructions. Position yourself so that he can see your lovely flower but also so that he can get a view underneath you to watch your breasts moving and so he can watch as you give him head. Make sure to let your breasts touch him once in a while…
Now, focus your attention on his genitals and thighs. Lick him all over and then give him head. Spend most of your time teasing his helmet, but once in a while take his entire shaft, (or as much as you possibly can) but just enough to make him crazy. You want to tease him for quite a while. Don't let him touch you at this point. You want to torture him. Smack his hands if he tries to grab, stroke or finger you. (He's gonna try, so make sure to tell him that he has to wait. That you want him to focus entirely on the show and his pleasure.) You can also touch yourself enticingly, show him a little more…but don't bring him to the exploding point yet. You want him to connect with you and your heart, not your rear-view.
Give him at the very least 2o or so minutes of this or until your back…gives out. Then turn to face him, straddle him again and rub your yoni against his shaft until he starts to beg, than plunge down on top of him. If you start the motion immediately he most likely will explode, depending on how long you gave him head. You also want to make a deeper connection and can do so by just looking passionately into his eyes as he is inside you. Kiss him on the mouth, tease his lips with your tongue and don't let him thrust. Just clamp down on him with your body weight and pin him down.
Then, before you get tired, or a backache, or whatever, love him for all you're worth! You should be so excited by now that you come immediately too. But this one was really for him. Sometimes we need to give, in order to get. Don't just wait around for him to give you the treatment. While your laying together and he is telling you how great that was, how much he loves you…you can suggest he show you next time!
Debora Myers is a writer, editor, and co-founder
Build Your Passion for Life-Create Your Own Reality!Ladyfire offers expert advice, inspirational articles, stories, and techniques to build a foundation of empowerment for realizing your dreams. Ladyfire's Focus: Sexuality, Romance, Spirituality, Civil and Environmental Responsibility, Humor, The Paranormal, Relationships, Love, Health, Passion, Power! Sign up for our free Newsletter-
Tantric Sexersize for December
Tantric Sexersize for December
In my part of the world it is cold now. Our winter is upon us. We've all been tested and re-tested and hopefully we've learned how to look at life a little differently. We've learned to tolerate the little things that used to get to us. We've learned to count our blessings and pray and send love, make love and send energy to those that are in need.
Winter is a time to reflect, to look within. Let's take this time to connect with ourselves on a deeper level and sort out all that we have absorbed during the "fruitful" months and make some sense out of it all, digest and make it part of us in a positive and life affirming way.
Take some time to cuddle by the fire, snuggle in your comforter and gather your comfort items and growth tools around you. Whether those consist of a bible or tarot-cards or simply paper and pencil to write out your feelings…take this time to set your new goals for yourself. Pull your loved ones close to you. Reassure them. Say your prayers and affirmations and make your visualizations now for your personal growth-your souls evolution. Make clear in your mind what you want to change about your life and yourself.
Use what you have learned about yourself and start preparing for the season of rebirth in the spring.
Then set your new goals into motion, as the winter thaws you can bloom with your new ideas, evolve along with the cycles of the earth, for we are all a part of her and creation.
Tantric Sexersize for December-Attracting More Love!
We all know by now that we attract to us what we are projecting. If we project lack and fear into the universe we will only receive the same. If we project love and fullness, then we will receive the same. Here is an easy exercise for you to love yourself and your connection with the universe. If you are coming from a higher place, a place of universal love, you can and will eventually attract love back to you.
This Sexercise can be shared with a partner, or not!
On a cool or cold evening or morning, light a fire in your wood stove or fireplace. If you don't have a fireplace, light candles to add a warm glow. Gather your pillows, blankets and feather bed and create a love nest in the vicinity of your fire. After a bath, dress yourself in something soft and sexy. Make yourself feel like a goddess. Have flowering plants or greenery arranged pleasantly to remind you of your connection to the earth. Now, after unplugging the phone and getting your wine or tea, plant yourself into your nest and snuggle into a comfortable position. Engage in your favorite prayer or mantra. Relax, let go of all tension and focus your energy on your heart area.
Use your gift of imagination and creation and feel your heart energy as it expands. Visualize and with feeling, push love and heart energy outward. I visualize my heart like a spinning vortex of love. I "see" with my minds eye- vibrant colors expanding from my heart center. I not only use my mind's eye, but I feel the energy and propel it outwards through visualization as I feel it expand. A rush of divine love!
Now you are in the glow of the love light. While you surround yourself in the love, start your self-loving. Caress yourself, touch yourself and explore. Use your loving fantasies to become aroused, and bring pleasure to your body as you caress and remind yourself just how sacred and full of love you are. You are a sacred vessel of love. Become it. Share this ecstatic energy with the world. Become love; and now as a loving, sexually charged being, you will attract the same. You cannot be loved until you love yourself. An empty vessel has nothing to give. Fill yourself with love and then you are empowered and have the energy to give to your family, community and the universe.
Namaste!
Debora Myers is a writer, editor, and co-founder of:http://www.Ladyfire.com Build Your Passion for Life-Create Your Own Reality!
Ladyfire offers expert advice, inspirational articles, stories, and techniques to build a foundation of empowerment for realizing your dreams. Ladyfire's Focus: Sexuality, Romance, Spirituality, Civil and Environmental Responsibility, Humor, The Paranormal, Relationships, Love, Health, Passion, Power!
In my part of the world it is cold now. Our winter is upon us. We've all been tested and re-tested and hopefully we've learned how to look at life a little differently. We've learned to tolerate the little things that used to get to us. We've learned to count our blessings and pray and send love, make love and send energy to those that are in need.
Winter is a time to reflect, to look within. Let's take this time to connect with ourselves on a deeper level and sort out all that we have absorbed during the "fruitful" months and make some sense out of it all, digest and make it part of us in a positive and life affirming way.
Take some time to cuddle by the fire, snuggle in your comforter and gather your comfort items and growth tools around you. Whether those consist of a bible or tarot-cards or simply paper and pencil to write out your feelings…take this time to set your new goals for yourself. Pull your loved ones close to you. Reassure them. Say your prayers and affirmations and make your visualizations now for your personal growth-your souls evolution. Make clear in your mind what you want to change about your life and yourself.
Use what you have learned about yourself and start preparing for the season of rebirth in the spring.
Then set your new goals into motion, as the winter thaws you can bloom with your new ideas, evolve along with the cycles of the earth, for we are all a part of her and creation.
Tantric Sexersize for December-Attracting More Love!
We all know by now that we attract to us what we are projecting. If we project lack and fear into the universe we will only receive the same. If we project love and fullness, then we will receive the same. Here is an easy exercise for you to love yourself and your connection with the universe. If you are coming from a higher place, a place of universal love, you can and will eventually attract love back to you.
This Sexercise can be shared with a partner, or not!
On a cool or cold evening or morning, light a fire in your wood stove or fireplace. If you don't have a fireplace, light candles to add a warm glow. Gather your pillows, blankets and feather bed and create a love nest in the vicinity of your fire. After a bath, dress yourself in something soft and sexy. Make yourself feel like a goddess. Have flowering plants or greenery arranged pleasantly to remind you of your connection to the earth. Now, after unplugging the phone and getting your wine or tea, plant yourself into your nest and snuggle into a comfortable position. Engage in your favorite prayer or mantra. Relax, let go of all tension and focus your energy on your heart area.
Use your gift of imagination and creation and feel your heart energy as it expands. Visualize and with feeling, push love and heart energy outward. I visualize my heart like a spinning vortex of love. I "see" with my minds eye- vibrant colors expanding from my heart center. I not only use my mind's eye, but I feel the energy and propel it outwards through visualization as I feel it expand. A rush of divine love!
Now you are in the glow of the love light. While you surround yourself in the love, start your self-loving. Caress yourself, touch yourself and explore. Use your loving fantasies to become aroused, and bring pleasure to your body as you caress and remind yourself just how sacred and full of love you are. You are a sacred vessel of love. Become it. Share this ecstatic energy with the world. Become love; and now as a loving, sexually charged being, you will attract the same. You cannot be loved until you love yourself. An empty vessel has nothing to give. Fill yourself with love and then you are empowered and have the energy to give to your family, community and the universe.
Namaste!
Debora Myers is a writer, editor, and co-founder of:http://www.Ladyfire.com Build Your Passion for Life-Create Your Own Reality!
Ladyfire offers expert advice, inspirational articles, stories, and techniques to build a foundation of empowerment for realizing your dreams. Ladyfire's Focus: Sexuality, Romance, Spirituality, Civil and Environmental Responsibility, Humor, The Paranormal, Relationships, Love, Health, Passion, Power!
Kama Sutra Mind
Kama SutraMind-Body-Spirit
Featured Positions: 'Congress of the Cow' & 'The Mare's Position'
Our first thoughts about the Kama Sutra invoke mental pictures of aerobic sexual positions with names such as congress of the cow, the swing, fixing of a nail, and the lotus. Many of us have seen the gymnastics involved and think what's the point? I'd break my neck attempting that! But not all of the positions and instructions written by Vatsyayana were meant for only physical sexual pleasure; many are variations of Yoga postures. The Yoga postures were involved to bring the lovers closer together in a higher spiritual and mental union. That deeper connection we all want!The goals of the Kama Sutra are to bring pleasure of the five senses of feeling, seeing, tasting, hearing and smelling together with the mind and spirit. It was India's 400 AD sensual lovemaking manual. It taught that lovemaking was far from a simple act of procreation, it was an art form to be celebrated!So how can we use the Kama Sutra today? What does it have to offer us, a society so obsessed with sex? Don't we, in the 21st century of sexual liberation know it all by now? I believe we still have a lot to learn about love, sex and sensuality in our highly technical society.What I gleaned from the Kama Sutra are the sensual, spiritual and emotional connections that can be neglected in our often-crazy lives. Sure, these guys were noblemen and had the time to pamper themselves and their lovers but the truth of the matter is that we generally put sensuality low on our list of priorities in today's world. We're way too busy working to make the mortgage payment…
The Kama Sutra is based on the etiquette of the time with very specific guides on hygiene and preparations for lovemaking as well as the positions and sexual instructions. We mustn't get lost in our attempts to become more sexually adept in the instructions. It's the closeness and the fun and laughter while attempting some of the wilder poses and the sensual play that may end up bringing you and your lover closer together. Sure, you may really get off and connect with your lover on a higher level as you unite in the 'congress of a cow', but don't focus entirely on the goal of the mind-blowing orgasm. Allow yourself to laugh as you play and experiment. As you both play together in this intimate way, you may find yourself letting go of your inhibitions and insecurities and simply relax and have fun while at the same time building the sexual energy that is needed for extended lovemaking and orgasms. Position for Him:The Congress of a Cow! This position is one for the more physically fit couple. It also is one of those that should provide a good laughing session. Vatsyayana had a thing for imitating the ways animals mated. He suggests doing it like a tiger, deer, elephant….you name it, he must have had a lot of time on his hands for fooling around. Ok, enough talk about him, here is the congress of a cow. This is one of the rear entry positions. Basically, the woman stands, with her legs slightly spread and knees locked or (bent slightly for comfort) and supports herself with her hands on the floor- the bend over position. (Don't try this if you are not limber) He thrusts from behind holding onto your waist or hips. This way he can move you along with his momentum. Great for him, but not the greatest for you. Let him have enough to really get going, but if you're like most women you won't want it to stop there, so change positions before he ejaculates. You may want to try these less than satisfying positions just to add a little something different to your routine but by all means don't think you have to do it like that until he climaxes. Just keep his interest. Then get into a comfortable position when you are ready to turn things around!Note for her-I've found that in the time it takes to reshuffle into a new position, get a drink of water etc, we women can lose that sense of erotic urgency we had during foreplay. Say, for example he is kissing your lotus flower and you have climaxed several times and need a couple minutes to rebuild the sexual tension- enough to want him to penetrate you in a bad way. But he's ready to rock and roll. Get verbal ladies. As you are maneuvering from your back or wherever to the standing position for the congress of the cow, do not let him jam into you unless you are really ready and aching for him to do so. Ask him to rub his mighty shaft against your flower until you are ready for his thrusts…
Position for Her-The Mare's Position!Here's one of my favorites.While he is on his back with his legs outstretched in front of him you can straddle him either facing or with your back to him. Rub his erection against your petals and clitoris until you are ready then sit down onto his shaft. Tighten your PC (vaginal muscles) around him in a pulsing manner as you gently rock side to side or back and forth or up and down or a variation of those movements. You may fondle and stroke his scrotum and your own clitoris for direct stimulation with your hand. He can sit up and kiss your neck and ears as you arch back to meet his tender kisses and nibbles. Tickle him softly with your hair. Ask him to caress your breasts and tweak your nipples as you bear down onto his erection.This position is one for play and fun, but I don't recommend it for reaching orgasm. The natural tilt of his penis may keep it from rubbing on your g spot and leave you without the deeper g spot orgasm. Sure, you can bring yourself to clitoral orgasm by self-stimulation or by him reaching around to stimulate your clitoris but I suggest you turning to face him to reach the big G-O's.As you face him, he may want to lie back and let you go for the gusto. You may want to use your hand to stimulate your clitoris while rubbing and plunging down onto his erection and find the correct position for stimulation of your G spot at the same time while you're rubbing your clit. By alternating squeezing and pushing outward you can better locate the best position for g spot stimulation. Once you find it you will know and glow!*Reaching orgasm-tip for herSometimes our minds tend to wander from one silly thought to another, worrying about how our hair looks to him… distracting us from the sensations and feelings we are trying to enjoy. This is when I suggest closing your eyes and if you are having a hard time reaching orgasm, you may want to try a little fantasy for added stimulation to your most sexy organ your brain. Don't worry about being weird, just let go and use your imagination. That's one of the reasons why we have one! The best way to improve your love life is to use lots of communication and lubrication! Don't underestimate the power of a good lube, especially if you are approaching, are in or are post-menopausal. Get over being shy and tell him what would please you. Never start in a negative tone when communicating your desires. Instead of saying "I can't stand the way you diddle me, it bugs me instead of making me aroused." Try a more positive approach, "Oh honey, you know what I'd really like? Rub me slowly up and down the hood…that'd feel wonderful!" You don't want to deflate his ego. Most likely he'll be afraid to touch you again if you put his technique down.Have fun and always keep love in your bedrooms!
Featured Positions: 'Congress of the Cow' & 'The Mare's Position'
Our first thoughts about the Kama Sutra invoke mental pictures of aerobic sexual positions with names such as congress of the cow, the swing, fixing of a nail, and the lotus. Many of us have seen the gymnastics involved and think what's the point? I'd break my neck attempting that! But not all of the positions and instructions written by Vatsyayana were meant for only physical sexual pleasure; many are variations of Yoga postures. The Yoga postures were involved to bring the lovers closer together in a higher spiritual and mental union. That deeper connection we all want!The goals of the Kama Sutra are to bring pleasure of the five senses of feeling, seeing, tasting, hearing and smelling together with the mind and spirit. It was India's 400 AD sensual lovemaking manual. It taught that lovemaking was far from a simple act of procreation, it was an art form to be celebrated!So how can we use the Kama Sutra today? What does it have to offer us, a society so obsessed with sex? Don't we, in the 21st century of sexual liberation know it all by now? I believe we still have a lot to learn about love, sex and sensuality in our highly technical society.What I gleaned from the Kama Sutra are the sensual, spiritual and emotional connections that can be neglected in our often-crazy lives. Sure, these guys were noblemen and had the time to pamper themselves and their lovers but the truth of the matter is that we generally put sensuality low on our list of priorities in today's world. We're way too busy working to make the mortgage payment…
The Kama Sutra is based on the etiquette of the time with very specific guides on hygiene and preparations for lovemaking as well as the positions and sexual instructions. We mustn't get lost in our attempts to become more sexually adept in the instructions. It's the closeness and the fun and laughter while attempting some of the wilder poses and the sensual play that may end up bringing you and your lover closer together. Sure, you may really get off and connect with your lover on a higher level as you unite in the 'congress of a cow', but don't focus entirely on the goal of the mind-blowing orgasm. Allow yourself to laugh as you play and experiment. As you both play together in this intimate way, you may find yourself letting go of your inhibitions and insecurities and simply relax and have fun while at the same time building the sexual energy that is needed for extended lovemaking and orgasms. Position for Him:The Congress of a Cow! This position is one for the more physically fit couple. It also is one of those that should provide a good laughing session. Vatsyayana had a thing for imitating the ways animals mated. He suggests doing it like a tiger, deer, elephant….you name it, he must have had a lot of time on his hands for fooling around. Ok, enough talk about him, here is the congress of a cow. This is one of the rear entry positions. Basically, the woman stands, with her legs slightly spread and knees locked or (bent slightly for comfort) and supports herself with her hands on the floor- the bend over position. (Don't try this if you are not limber) He thrusts from behind holding onto your waist or hips. This way he can move you along with his momentum. Great for him, but not the greatest for you. Let him have enough to really get going, but if you're like most women you won't want it to stop there, so change positions before he ejaculates. You may want to try these less than satisfying positions just to add a little something different to your routine but by all means don't think you have to do it like that until he climaxes. Just keep his interest. Then get into a comfortable position when you are ready to turn things around!Note for her-I've found that in the time it takes to reshuffle into a new position, get a drink of water etc, we women can lose that sense of erotic urgency we had during foreplay. Say, for example he is kissing your lotus flower and you have climaxed several times and need a couple minutes to rebuild the sexual tension- enough to want him to penetrate you in a bad way. But he's ready to rock and roll. Get verbal ladies. As you are maneuvering from your back or wherever to the standing position for the congress of the cow, do not let him jam into you unless you are really ready and aching for him to do so. Ask him to rub his mighty shaft against your flower until you are ready for his thrusts…
Position for Her-The Mare's Position!Here's one of my favorites.While he is on his back with his legs outstretched in front of him you can straddle him either facing or with your back to him. Rub his erection against your petals and clitoris until you are ready then sit down onto his shaft. Tighten your PC (vaginal muscles) around him in a pulsing manner as you gently rock side to side or back and forth or up and down or a variation of those movements. You may fondle and stroke his scrotum and your own clitoris for direct stimulation with your hand. He can sit up and kiss your neck and ears as you arch back to meet his tender kisses and nibbles. Tickle him softly with your hair. Ask him to caress your breasts and tweak your nipples as you bear down onto his erection.This position is one for play and fun, but I don't recommend it for reaching orgasm. The natural tilt of his penis may keep it from rubbing on your g spot and leave you without the deeper g spot orgasm. Sure, you can bring yourself to clitoral orgasm by self-stimulation or by him reaching around to stimulate your clitoris but I suggest you turning to face him to reach the big G-O's.As you face him, he may want to lie back and let you go for the gusto. You may want to use your hand to stimulate your clitoris while rubbing and plunging down onto his erection and find the correct position for stimulation of your G spot at the same time while you're rubbing your clit. By alternating squeezing and pushing outward you can better locate the best position for g spot stimulation. Once you find it you will know and glow!*Reaching orgasm-tip for herSometimes our minds tend to wander from one silly thought to another, worrying about how our hair looks to him… distracting us from the sensations and feelings we are trying to enjoy. This is when I suggest closing your eyes and if you are having a hard time reaching orgasm, you may want to try a little fantasy for added stimulation to your most sexy organ your brain. Don't worry about being weird, just let go and use your imagination. That's one of the reasons why we have one! The best way to improve your love life is to use lots of communication and lubrication! Don't underestimate the power of a good lube, especially if you are approaching, are in or are post-menopausal. Get over being shy and tell him what would please you. Never start in a negative tone when communicating your desires. Instead of saying "I can't stand the way you diddle me, it bugs me instead of making me aroused." Try a more positive approach, "Oh honey, you know what I'd really like? Rub me slowly up and down the hood…that'd feel wonderful!" You don't want to deflate his ego. Most likely he'll be afraid to touch you again if you put his technique down.Have fun and always keep love in your bedrooms!
10 sure shot signs of a Break up
10 sure shot signs of a break up
When you fall in love you tend to give a lot in the relationship and it is worse if you come to know that you are going to be dumped and getting rejected. If you are getting dumped it seems that the whole world is closing on you and it's but natural to feel a loser in life. You tend to feel as if you'll never be happy again. The good news is that it is not for long, as one day you will feel happy and you will turn into a new leaf and this phase would seem nothing more than just a life experience. But when you are in the middle of it and somehow know that things are not working out but not being sure can actually be very confusing. It's not difficult to get hold of the clues that you are going to be dumped. Here are 12 most common signs that can tell you that the end is very near. • Suddenly he/she becomes busy and starts avoiding you. • Does not reply to your calls and if you try to reach makes some or the other excuse hence avoiding any communication with you. • When affection and public display of attention becomes less. You start feeling left out and feel deprived of love which came easily before. • When you start becoming not a priority but a liability. • When suddenly you seem to be fighting on rather small issues, sometimes even fights on petty issues can lead to a doom • You seem to get vibes that your partner has started hiding a lot of things from you whereas earlier you were the first person to be aware of anything and everything. People do not tend to lie for no reason, if she/he is not being honest about where she/he is or who she/he is with there is rarely a noble reason for the deception. • When all of a sudden your partner has nothing to share and you tend to feel that you are not being given the right kind of attention. • Respect in a relationship is essential, once it has been compromised the relationship often follows suit. You just can't seem to do anything right. Be it the style of your hair or the way you walk, if your steady suddenly finds fault with everything you do s/he is probably trying to push you away. • It becomes difficult to communicate and all of a sudden it feels as if you are not compatible. Break ups can be harsh but they hurt less if you face facts rather than hide from the truth. Good luck!
When you fall in love you tend to give a lot in the relationship and it is worse if you come to know that you are going to be dumped and getting rejected. If you are getting dumped it seems that the whole world is closing on you and it's but natural to feel a loser in life. You tend to feel as if you'll never be happy again. The good news is that it is not for long, as one day you will feel happy and you will turn into a new leaf and this phase would seem nothing more than just a life experience. But when you are in the middle of it and somehow know that things are not working out but not being sure can actually be very confusing. It's not difficult to get hold of the clues that you are going to be dumped. Here are 12 most common signs that can tell you that the end is very near. • Suddenly he/she becomes busy and starts avoiding you. • Does not reply to your calls and if you try to reach makes some or the other excuse hence avoiding any communication with you. • When affection and public display of attention becomes less. You start feeling left out and feel deprived of love which came easily before. • When you start becoming not a priority but a liability. • When suddenly you seem to be fighting on rather small issues, sometimes even fights on petty issues can lead to a doom • You seem to get vibes that your partner has started hiding a lot of things from you whereas earlier you were the first person to be aware of anything and everything. People do not tend to lie for no reason, if she/he is not being honest about where she/he is or who she/he is with there is rarely a noble reason for the deception. • When all of a sudden your partner has nothing to share and you tend to feel that you are not being given the right kind of attention. • Respect in a relationship is essential, once it has been compromised the relationship often follows suit. You just can't seem to do anything right. Be it the style of your hair or the way you walk, if your steady suddenly finds fault with everything you do s/he is probably trying to push you away. • It becomes difficult to communicate and all of a sudden it feels as if you are not compatible. Break ups can be harsh but they hurt less if you face facts rather than hide from the truth. Good luck!
Breaking up
Breaking up
The loss of a relationship can be very painful. There's not only grief from losing someone important in your life but the future dreams and hopes are shattered too. And seemingly, it gets very hard to have faith and trust in anyone. You begin to question yourself if you were wrong to trust your partner and will be wondering how real the relationship was anyways. You feel alone, horrible about yourself even if you were the one who decided to leave. No doubt it will take time but you should rebuild your trust in yourself and others again. Even if this relationship is over take this as a learning experience. Some people experience problems as after break ups they feel they have lost their identity. But things change and people then feel secure again. Break ups shake us immensely and throw us back into our first relationships – either an ex-love or our parents. But if your past relationships have been difficult, you may feel no respite from grief. At the time of loss it is very common for all the past hurts to come back so at this time you are not only dealing with the present loss but also the past losses, that's why it hurts so much. But with confidence, even if it will take a while, one can overcome this grief. The first step is to deal with your grief and then to tell yourself that you will get through this. While it takes time, you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Grief moves in phases - beginning, middle and end. It might help to know where you are in the process. In the beginning, you may be in a shock, denial, or numb mode. And you try to make sense of why it happened. At this stage you might not be prepared to accept that it's all over. You find it hard to concentrate on your work. But this is a natural reaction to loss. The second stage involves your fear, anger and depression and it lasts the longest. One way some people block their feelings totally while there are others who don't let go. Either way, it's important to feel and at some stage to let go so that you can move on in life. Your feelings will pass. Grief may run as long as a year unless the relationship was short-term. In the last stage you finally begin to accept the reality. You begin to accept that the relationship is over and that you're going to be okay. You've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realise things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try. Now and then your hurt comes back but you get over it soon enough. It's just a passing phase. Fill your life with activities that you enjoy. Socialise, be creative etc so that you nurture yourself back to emotional health and physical well-being. Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and seem permanent. But allow yourself to grieve fully. At the end of it you will feel stronger and lighter.
The loss of a relationship can be very painful. There's not only grief from losing someone important in your life but the future dreams and hopes are shattered too. And seemingly, it gets very hard to have faith and trust in anyone. You begin to question yourself if you were wrong to trust your partner and will be wondering how real the relationship was anyways. You feel alone, horrible about yourself even if you were the one who decided to leave. No doubt it will take time but you should rebuild your trust in yourself and others again. Even if this relationship is over take this as a learning experience. Some people experience problems as after break ups they feel they have lost their identity. But things change and people then feel secure again. Break ups shake us immensely and throw us back into our first relationships – either an ex-love or our parents. But if your past relationships have been difficult, you may feel no respite from grief. At the time of loss it is very common for all the past hurts to come back so at this time you are not only dealing with the present loss but also the past losses, that's why it hurts so much. But with confidence, even if it will take a while, one can overcome this grief. The first step is to deal with your grief and then to tell yourself that you will get through this. While it takes time, you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Grief moves in phases - beginning, middle and end. It might help to know where you are in the process. In the beginning, you may be in a shock, denial, or numb mode. And you try to make sense of why it happened. At this stage you might not be prepared to accept that it's all over. You find it hard to concentrate on your work. But this is a natural reaction to loss. The second stage involves your fear, anger and depression and it lasts the longest. One way some people block their feelings totally while there are others who don't let go. Either way, it's important to feel and at some stage to let go so that you can move on in life. Your feelings will pass. Grief may run as long as a year unless the relationship was short-term. In the last stage you finally begin to accept the reality. You begin to accept that the relationship is over and that you're going to be okay. You've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realise things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try. Now and then your hurt comes back but you get over it soon enough. It's just a passing phase. Fill your life with activities that you enjoy. Socialise, be creative etc so that you nurture yourself back to emotional health and physical well-being. Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and seem permanent. But allow yourself to grieve fully. At the end of it you will feel stronger and lighter.
Mysteries Of The Sexes
Mysteries Of The Sexes
Women Wonder... * Why men think women are bad drivers, even though they have been presented with evidence to the contrary, time and again. * Why the best perfumes for women inevitably carry a man's name - be it Yves, Ralph or Hugo. * Why everyday cooking continues to be a woman thing... even if he's a five-star chef! * Why men still stop and stare at a woman reading a financial paper. * Why our 'Main Man' strenuously objects to our wearing clothes that bare (the tiniest bit of) our flesh, while drooling over precisely the same clothes worn by other women. * Why men like Steven Seagal. Or Wesley Snipes. * Why men never listen to a woman properly. Despite a gazillion books written on this very subject. * Why men need to be Freemasons. Is it really all that different from Enid Blyton's Secret Seven club? * Why men can get by in virtually any button-down shirt and Dockers while women need to power dress. And power dress unobtrusively, elegantly and classically, at that. * Why men wage war. Really, surely there are other, less harmful ways to flex one's muscle? Men Wonder... * Why women need to talk things over so much and so many times! * Why match-fixing talk leaves women cold beyond a point. * Why they think stripes and checks don't go well together. No male seeing this adventurous combination has winced or shielded his eyes. So, what is it with women? * Why they drool over unkempt twerps like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. Is a few days' stubble and creased cargo pants all it takes to have women swooning? * Why they insist on commitment in the form of a wedding band, just when things are going swimmingly. Real spoilsports, they can be. * Why women think disguising their femininity makes them more effective. The moment a woman walks into a room, she affects all the men present in one way or another. That's a fact. * Why women think that coming on strong with a man is a less-than-excellent idea. I mean, do you ever hear men using terms like 'fast or loose' when talking of a woman? * Why women loathe Eminem. * Why women need to stop and ask for directions at every bend in a strange road rather than trying to find their way themselves. And if one gets lost, well, all too often, it's because the little woman in the pass-enger seat cannot read maps properly. * How women always smell so dashed good. Men And Women Agree About... * The power and beauty of a Harley Davidson motorbike. * The experience of listening to your favourite performer live in concert. * The fact that stilettos are the sexiest thing on two heels! * That any shade of pink, is not every man's colour, unless he is Milind Soman or Arjun Rampal. * That the search for Ms or Mr Right can be great fun. * That love is a many splendoured thing!
Women Wonder... * Why men think women are bad drivers, even though they have been presented with evidence to the contrary, time and again. * Why the best perfumes for women inevitably carry a man's name - be it Yves, Ralph or Hugo. * Why everyday cooking continues to be a woman thing... even if he's a five-star chef! * Why men still stop and stare at a woman reading a financial paper. * Why our 'Main Man' strenuously objects to our wearing clothes that bare (the tiniest bit of) our flesh, while drooling over precisely the same clothes worn by other women. * Why men like Steven Seagal. Or Wesley Snipes. * Why men never listen to a woman properly. Despite a gazillion books written on this very subject. * Why men need to be Freemasons. Is it really all that different from Enid Blyton's Secret Seven club? * Why men can get by in virtually any button-down shirt and Dockers while women need to power dress. And power dress unobtrusively, elegantly and classically, at that. * Why men wage war. Really, surely there are other, less harmful ways to flex one's muscle? Men Wonder... * Why women need to talk things over so much and so many times! * Why match-fixing talk leaves women cold beyond a point. * Why they think stripes and checks don't go well together. No male seeing this adventurous combination has winced or shielded his eyes. So, what is it with women? * Why they drool over unkempt twerps like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. Is a few days' stubble and creased cargo pants all it takes to have women swooning? * Why they insist on commitment in the form of a wedding band, just when things are going swimmingly. Real spoilsports, they can be. * Why women think disguising their femininity makes them more effective. The moment a woman walks into a room, she affects all the men present in one way or another. That's a fact. * Why women think that coming on strong with a man is a less-than-excellent idea. I mean, do you ever hear men using terms like 'fast or loose' when talking of a woman? * Why women loathe Eminem. * Why women need to stop and ask for directions at every bend in a strange road rather than trying to find their way themselves. And if one gets lost, well, all too often, it's because the little woman in the pass-enger seat cannot read maps properly. * How women always smell so dashed good. Men And Women Agree About... * The power and beauty of a Harley Davidson motorbike. * The experience of listening to your favourite performer live in concert. * The fact that stilettos are the sexiest thing on two heels! * That any shade of pink, is not every man's colour, unless he is Milind Soman or Arjun Rampal. * That the search for Ms or Mr Right can be great fun. * That love is a many splendoured thing!
Top Ten Things Women Hate About Men
Top Ten Things Women Hate About Men
1. Ego! We fail to understand why men can stop and ask for direction till it's 40 kms into the wrong direction?! Like, isn't it more sensible to just ask for directions, you save on time, petrol and energy? 2. Would it kill to remember? They remember the names of cricketers from Holland and the scores each player has made, but cannot for the life them remember birthdays, anniversaries and buying gifts. What kind selective memory is that? 3. Ogling: They love to ogle at women (read breasts), even when they are with their date. Like, how rude! 4. Double talk: They nod their heads during a talk about gender equality, and then insist on paying the bills during a date, because it is not manly enough to let the woman pay. Yeah, right! At least, not when someone could be watching. 5. Lazy men: Talking about gender equality and men supporting it, how about giving us a hand with household chores? 6. Possessive... ugh! They are extremely possessive. Whatever makes them so insecure as opposed to the manly image they like portray? 7. Hypocrisy: They love to hang out with “cool babes”, but when it comes to marriage they want a “simple homely girl”. Guys, looks like you have around two centuries of catching up to do. And... please hurry with it! 8. The basics of life: Life without booze, sex and cigarettes is just unthinkable. And, no, I haven't figured the order of importance. 9. The phallic symbol: They have a birth right over the Remote control. Seems it is more like a phallic symbol that they need to carry around at home, I guess. 10. Superman! Think of themselves to be exalted beings - a mechanic, technician, plumber and financial advisor all rolled into one. We might have liked that about you, if you didn't make such a big deal out of it!
1. Ego! We fail to understand why men can stop and ask for direction till it's 40 kms into the wrong direction?! Like, isn't it more sensible to just ask for directions, you save on time, petrol and energy? 2. Would it kill to remember? They remember the names of cricketers from Holland and the scores each player has made, but cannot for the life them remember birthdays, anniversaries and buying gifts. What kind selective memory is that? 3. Ogling: They love to ogle at women (read breasts), even when they are with their date. Like, how rude! 4. Double talk: They nod their heads during a talk about gender equality, and then insist on paying the bills during a date, because it is not manly enough to let the woman pay. Yeah, right! At least, not when someone could be watching. 5. Lazy men: Talking about gender equality and men supporting it, how about giving us a hand with household chores? 6. Possessive... ugh! They are extremely possessive. Whatever makes them so insecure as opposed to the manly image they like portray? 7. Hypocrisy: They love to hang out with “cool babes”, but when it comes to marriage they want a “simple homely girl”. Guys, looks like you have around two centuries of catching up to do. And... please hurry with it! 8. The basics of life: Life without booze, sex and cigarettes is just unthinkable. And, no, I haven't figured the order of importance. 9. The phallic symbol: They have a birth right over the Remote control. Seems it is more like a phallic symbol that they need to carry around at home, I guess. 10. Superman! Think of themselves to be exalted beings - a mechanic, technician, plumber and financial advisor all rolled into one. We might have liked that about you, if you didn't make such a big deal out of it!
Top Ten Things Mens Hate About Women
Top Ten Things Men Hate About Women
1. Take it easy baby! Women always need to discuss the relationship. Why can they just take it as it comes. 2. Shop till I drop! They love shopping! Not only is the list endless, they have to check 10 different things before they finally buy the one they first saw. Have it your way, lady, but leave us out of it. 3. Never satisfied: You never get to reach a party on time. They spend hours preening in front of the mirror and then stress about someone turning up in the same outfit. Have you ever hear a man say "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed, there's another man wearing a black tuxedo." 4. Fashion: Her tastes in fashion changes every so frequently that you either run out breath trying to catch up, or end up wondering whether you are too dumb to catch up. 5. They notice the minutest things: Why do women have to criticize other women on everything from hairstyle to shoes and everything in between? Only a woman can notice something as trivial as the purse not matching the shoes! 6. Jealousy! Nothing can beat that. Sometimes, it only so little as the mention of another woman's name and you could down on you knees licking her feet like dog. 7. Possessiveness! Women seem to have a serous security issues. How else would you explain their need for men to hold them, and tell them how special they are? The claim to be the modern woman of the 21st century, and suddenly become extremely insecure once they finally fall in love. 8. The ‘testing’ thing you do... Women love to test men by throwing obscure theoretical questions like “What are you thinking”. Then they just stand there arms crossed, foot tapping waiting for the right answer by which we can prove that we are their “soul-mates”. 9. Oh, those tears! They cry over everything from a broken nail to a movie on TV. But it's really the pits when they use their tears to emotionally blackmail us. 10. "Holier than thou" attitude, ugh! They never admit to having had fooled around with other men. And, they are always complaining about how much work they do around the house, no matter how much work we do.
1. Take it easy baby! Women always need to discuss the relationship. Why can they just take it as it comes. 2. Shop till I drop! They love shopping! Not only is the list endless, they have to check 10 different things before they finally buy the one they first saw. Have it your way, lady, but leave us out of it. 3. Never satisfied: You never get to reach a party on time. They spend hours preening in front of the mirror and then stress about someone turning up in the same outfit. Have you ever hear a man say "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed, there's another man wearing a black tuxedo." 4. Fashion: Her tastes in fashion changes every so frequently that you either run out breath trying to catch up, or end up wondering whether you are too dumb to catch up. 5. They notice the minutest things: Why do women have to criticize other women on everything from hairstyle to shoes and everything in between? Only a woman can notice something as trivial as the purse not matching the shoes! 6. Jealousy! Nothing can beat that. Sometimes, it only so little as the mention of another woman's name and you could down on you knees licking her feet like dog. 7. Possessiveness! Women seem to have a serous security issues. How else would you explain their need for men to hold them, and tell them how special they are? The claim to be the modern woman of the 21st century, and suddenly become extremely insecure once they finally fall in love. 8. The ‘testing’ thing you do... Women love to test men by throwing obscure theoretical questions like “What are you thinking”. Then they just stand there arms crossed, foot tapping waiting for the right answer by which we can prove that we are their “soul-mates”. 9. Oh, those tears! They cry over everything from a broken nail to a movie on TV. But it's really the pits when they use their tears to emotionally blackmail us. 10. "Holier than thou" attitude, ugh! They never admit to having had fooled around with other men. And, they are always complaining about how much work they do around the house, no matter how much work we do.
Falling In Love With Your Best Friend
Falling In Love With Your Best Friend
Would you marry your best friend? Here are some responses we got... "I'd definitely like to marry my best friend. Since we are friends, aspects like mutual understanding or gaining an insight into each other would be easier. I think such a relationship would be ideal for me." - Rizwana Tavawala (19, Student) "Hmmm... I wouldn't mind marrying my best friend. If we can be best friends, we'd be confident about getting along as marital partners too. And at the end of the day, marriage is about understanding, loving and living, right?" - Joes D'silva (25, Aeronautics engineer) "Well, though this may sound like a 'Mills & Boons' fantasy, I'd personally never marry my best friend. Simply because I can't think of sharing a romantic chemistry with my best buddy. Basically, the relationship between two buddies and husband-wife is totally different. And my husband should have an added spark besides being an understanding friend." - Sabari Mukherjee (26, Freelance writer) "I don't think I'd like to marry my best friend. Sharing ideas and spending time with a friend is quite different from living your life with someone. This factor has an interesting bollywood angle; where the heroine realises that her best friend is also her real hero. But reel life is different from real life." - Mukesh Singh (29, Asst. Film director) Members of the WeddingSutra community write in..... "My best friend would know me very well. She would know when I feel the need to be left alone and when I need her warmth and company.Similarly I would know her habits and ways of life.. the best part is that we both would know each other as a person very well.. so we won't have to face nasty surprises.In my opinion, a deep bond of friendship is the best foundation for the future.." - K Mahesh "I married my best friend. We were best of friends for more than a year, when we asked the question 'Why not'. We hit it out great, understood each other and liked one another very very much. There was no reason to seek another partner, when I already knew Ms Perfect. We married not because we were the best of friends or believed that best friends should get married, but because it made sense to us. I don't advise others either way - just do what you feel is right." - Arvind M "I would love to marry my best friend. And hope that we continue to be best friends after marriage too." - Janhavi Patil
Would you marry your best friend? Here are some responses we got... "I'd definitely like to marry my best friend. Since we are friends, aspects like mutual understanding or gaining an insight into each other would be easier. I think such a relationship would be ideal for me." - Rizwana Tavawala (19, Student) "Hmmm... I wouldn't mind marrying my best friend. If we can be best friends, we'd be confident about getting along as marital partners too. And at the end of the day, marriage is about understanding, loving and living, right?" - Joes D'silva (25, Aeronautics engineer) "Well, though this may sound like a 'Mills & Boons' fantasy, I'd personally never marry my best friend. Simply because I can't think of sharing a romantic chemistry with my best buddy. Basically, the relationship between two buddies and husband-wife is totally different. And my husband should have an added spark besides being an understanding friend." - Sabari Mukherjee (26, Freelance writer) "I don't think I'd like to marry my best friend. Sharing ideas and spending time with a friend is quite different from living your life with someone. This factor has an interesting bollywood angle; where the heroine realises that her best friend is also her real hero. But reel life is different from real life." - Mukesh Singh (29, Asst. Film director) Members of the WeddingSutra community write in..... "My best friend would know me very well. She would know when I feel the need to be left alone and when I need her warmth and company.Similarly I would know her habits and ways of life.. the best part is that we both would know each other as a person very well.. so we won't have to face nasty surprises.In my opinion, a deep bond of friendship is the best foundation for the future.." - K Mahesh "I married my best friend. We were best of friends for more than a year, when we asked the question 'Why not'. We hit it out great, understood each other and liked one another very very much. There was no reason to seek another partner, when I already knew Ms Perfect. We married not because we were the best of friends or believed that best friends should get married, but because it made sense to us. I don't advise others either way - just do what you feel is right." - Arvind M "I would love to marry my best friend. And hope that we continue to be best friends after marriage too." - Janhavi Patil
Rules Of Courtship
Rules Of Courtship
The rules of courtship change, and as with everything in life, different rules apply for different personalities. Here is a rough and ready primer that takes you through a few do's and don't' s (they are both for him and her). DO'S For her
• Tell him you adore his muscles.
• Roll your eyes in disgust whenever the subject of your ex-boyfriend comes up.
• Remember to compliment his mother on her culinary skills.
• Pay attention to his little sister's hobbies and heartbreaks.
• Offer to pay occasionally on a date if you're both earning comparable salaries. If you insist on going dutch all the time, more power to you.
• Compliment his taste in clothes/food/décor/music/art. Whatever applies.
• Tell him you love him. Often.
For him
• Tell her she looks beautiful.
• Refrain from making hooting noises when a bombshell walks past the two of you.
• Hold her hand at the most schmaltzy moment in a romantic film.
• Tolerate, even sing along to `your song'.
• Avoid all comparisons with your ex's.
• Burn your black book.
• Be a gentleman. Pick her up and drop her to her home on a date. Open the door for her. Guide her through crowds. It is always appreciated.
• Call after a wonderful evening and tell her it was wonderful.
• Call when you say you will call.
• Send her flowers.
DONT'S For her
• Don't let him ever see you with your green cucumber face mask.
• Don't Pee with the door open.
• Don't discuss your menstrual cycle.
• Don't try to make him jealous by flirting with the stud at the bar.
• Don't refer to his mother as that woman.
• Don't forget the deodorant.
• Don't buy him gifts that are too expensive until you are exclusively a couple.
For him
• Don't belch, fart, nose-pick or do any unmentionable scratching in front of her.
• Don't rush to grab a seat in the theatre before she does.
• Don't order for her from the menu.
• Don't expect to be forgiven for everything.
• Don't forget any anniversary/birthday or momentous occasion.
• Don't fail to comment on a change of hairstyle or a new outfit.
• Don't forget the names of her best friends/siblings/great aunt/ godmother.
• Don't expect her to sink into your bed just because you paid for the dinner and the disc.
• Don't buy her personal gifts like lingerie or clothes until you are sure of her tastes. Or until you know her sizes right.
• Don't buy utility items as gifts. A toaster is not romantic. Nor is a hand-blender.
The rules of courtship change, and as with everything in life, different rules apply for different personalities. Here is a rough and ready primer that takes you through a few do's and don't' s (they are both for him and her). DO'S For her
• Tell him you adore his muscles.
• Roll your eyes in disgust whenever the subject of your ex-boyfriend comes up.
• Remember to compliment his mother on her culinary skills.
• Pay attention to his little sister's hobbies and heartbreaks.
• Offer to pay occasionally on a date if you're both earning comparable salaries. If you insist on going dutch all the time, more power to you.
• Compliment his taste in clothes/food/décor/music/art. Whatever applies.
• Tell him you love him. Often.
For him
• Tell her she looks beautiful.
• Refrain from making hooting noises when a bombshell walks past the two of you.
• Hold her hand at the most schmaltzy moment in a romantic film.
• Tolerate, even sing along to `your song'.
• Avoid all comparisons with your ex's.
• Burn your black book.
• Be a gentleman. Pick her up and drop her to her home on a date. Open the door for her. Guide her through crowds. It is always appreciated.
• Call after a wonderful evening and tell her it was wonderful.
• Call when you say you will call.
• Send her flowers.
DONT'S For her
• Don't let him ever see you with your green cucumber face mask.
• Don't Pee with the door open.
• Don't discuss your menstrual cycle.
• Don't try to make him jealous by flirting with the stud at the bar.
• Don't refer to his mother as that woman.
• Don't forget the deodorant.
• Don't buy him gifts that are too expensive until you are exclusively a couple.
For him
• Don't belch, fart, nose-pick or do any unmentionable scratching in front of her.
• Don't rush to grab a seat in the theatre before she does.
• Don't order for her from the menu.
• Don't expect to be forgiven for everything.
• Don't forget any anniversary/birthday or momentous occasion.
• Don't fail to comment on a change of hairstyle or a new outfit.
• Don't forget the names of her best friends/siblings/great aunt/ godmother.
• Don't expect her to sink into your bed just because you paid for the dinner and the disc.
• Don't buy her personal gifts like lingerie or clothes until you are sure of her tastes. Or until you know her sizes right.
• Don't buy utility items as gifts. A toaster is not romantic. Nor is a hand-blender.
Lucky Lips Are Always....
Lucky Lips Are Always...
The sunlight claps the earth And the moonbeams kiss the sea: What are all these kissings worth If thou kiss not me? - P. B. Shelley The French kiss - forever wet, forever sensual. The wet, delicious, sensual communication of erotic intent. Bite your partner's bottom lip and suck it. Encircle his lips with your tongue. Flirt and tease him by flitting just the tip of your tongue past his lips, then, as he loosens up, push your tongue deeper into your lover's mouth. Aah! A good kisser? : What better way to unleash the animal in you than to slowly work your way to the ultimate with your lover? French kissing is one of the most exciting acts you can share before engaging in sex. If you want to know if your lover is good in bed, before you lie down, make sure to kiss them deeply. If your lover is weird, and your sexual chemistry doesn't flow at this point, one can bet the sex will be a big disappointment as well. Most women of experience will tell you that they undoubtedly never make it to the next level of sexual intimacy if he isn't a good kisser. Practice makes perfect : Ok, you're not ready to give up on him yet. He has so many other qualities that turn you on. The best thing to do in this case is to teach him to be a better kisser. If the chemistry is wrong, don't waste too much time trying to get him to get it right, but it can't hurt to give him a few lessons, sometimes practice makes perfect. Make sure you are both comfortable and relaxed. Show him what you want him to do by example - by taking the lead and kissing him first. If he's unsure, he will copy you. Touch his face enticingly and run your fingers through his hair or over his head. This will make him feel endeared and special. Comfort level : As your lover becomes excited, he should be less inhibited and more apt to follow his body's impulses. If not, and he just can't relax enough to tune into you, you may want to rethink going any further. If he can't be comfortable enough with himself and his sexuality to handle an intimate kiss - just think what he'd be like in more intimate sexual positions. Remember that a good sexual connection is not everything in a relationship, but honestly, many can't imagine being in a relationship without it! It is the glue that can hold a relationship together through thick and through thin. So take a deep breath, lick your lips, and kiss him deeply before you hop into bed with someone. And remember to thank the Almighty for the French kiss!
The sunlight claps the earth And the moonbeams kiss the sea: What are all these kissings worth If thou kiss not me? - P. B. Shelley The French kiss - forever wet, forever sensual. The wet, delicious, sensual communication of erotic intent. Bite your partner's bottom lip and suck it. Encircle his lips with your tongue. Flirt and tease him by flitting just the tip of your tongue past his lips, then, as he loosens up, push your tongue deeper into your lover's mouth. Aah! A good kisser? : What better way to unleash the animal in you than to slowly work your way to the ultimate with your lover? French kissing is one of the most exciting acts you can share before engaging in sex. If you want to know if your lover is good in bed, before you lie down, make sure to kiss them deeply. If your lover is weird, and your sexual chemistry doesn't flow at this point, one can bet the sex will be a big disappointment as well. Most women of experience will tell you that they undoubtedly never make it to the next level of sexual intimacy if he isn't a good kisser. Practice makes perfect : Ok, you're not ready to give up on him yet. He has so many other qualities that turn you on. The best thing to do in this case is to teach him to be a better kisser. If the chemistry is wrong, don't waste too much time trying to get him to get it right, but it can't hurt to give him a few lessons, sometimes practice makes perfect. Make sure you are both comfortable and relaxed. Show him what you want him to do by example - by taking the lead and kissing him first. If he's unsure, he will copy you. Touch his face enticingly and run your fingers through his hair or over his head. This will make him feel endeared and special. Comfort level : As your lover becomes excited, he should be less inhibited and more apt to follow his body's impulses. If not, and he just can't relax enough to tune into you, you may want to rethink going any further. If he can't be comfortable enough with himself and his sexuality to handle an intimate kiss - just think what he'd be like in more intimate sexual positions. Remember that a good sexual connection is not everything in a relationship, but honestly, many can't imagine being in a relationship without it! It is the glue that can hold a relationship together through thick and through thin. So take a deep breath, lick your lips, and kiss him deeply before you hop into bed with someone. And remember to thank the Almighty for the French kiss!
Do Opposites Attract?
Do Opposites Attract?
With the no-nonsense zing of the phrase “I do,” humans often seek in a spouse the sort of person they know best: themselves, says a new study. Beautiful people want beautiful partners. The well-heeled covet Prada-clad companions. Those who are devoted to kith and kids expect no less from the person who adorably snores beside them each night. And while the notion that like-seeks-like may not surprise anybody who has scanned the newspaper wedding announcements, the new results contradict some important claims about male-female differences in mating strategies that lately have emanated from the niche of neo-Darwinism called evolutionary psychology. According to one widely touted premise of the field, men are comparatively more concerned with the physical appearance of their partners, while women tend to fixate on the relative wealth and ambitiousness of their suitors. Yet the new report, by Dr. Stephen T. Emlen, a professor at Cornell, and his former student Dr. Peter M. Buston, offers scant support for the chasmic divide between the romantic algorithms of men and women. Instead, in analyzing the results of a questionnaire about who wants what in a long-term relationship, the researchers found that the men who were most likely to seek beauty in a woman were not the trust-fund sons, but those men who considered themselves quite handsome; while men who rated themselves as wealthy and ambitious were much likelier to focus on the wealth and status of a prospective mate than on her physical charms. Similarly, women who viewed themselves as attractive ranked the toothsomeness of a potential husband above the particulars of his stock portfolio; while women from privileged backgrounds wanted a groom who knew the purpose and position of all four forks in a formal table setting. “People seem to be looking for soul mates on many levels, and that makes adaptive sense,” said Dr. Emlen in a telephone interview. “Peter and I are evolutionary biologists, so we’re both interested in why people would have rules that essentially say, seek someone who is like yourself on many of the things you value. “Well, if you do, you’ll end up with a compatible mate, and less conflict in the relationship, and a better chance of a long-term bond and successful child rearing." The findings, which are to be published this month in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, were based on a survey of 978 heterosexual residents of Ithaca.
With the no-nonsense zing of the phrase “I do,” humans often seek in a spouse the sort of person they know best: themselves, says a new study. Beautiful people want beautiful partners. The well-heeled covet Prada-clad companions. Those who are devoted to kith and kids expect no less from the person who adorably snores beside them each night. And while the notion that like-seeks-like may not surprise anybody who has scanned the newspaper wedding announcements, the new results contradict some important claims about male-female differences in mating strategies that lately have emanated from the niche of neo-Darwinism called evolutionary psychology. According to one widely touted premise of the field, men are comparatively more concerned with the physical appearance of their partners, while women tend to fixate on the relative wealth and ambitiousness of their suitors. Yet the new report, by Dr. Stephen T. Emlen, a professor at Cornell, and his former student Dr. Peter M. Buston, offers scant support for the chasmic divide between the romantic algorithms of men and women. Instead, in analyzing the results of a questionnaire about who wants what in a long-term relationship, the researchers found that the men who were most likely to seek beauty in a woman were not the trust-fund sons, but those men who considered themselves quite handsome; while men who rated themselves as wealthy and ambitious were much likelier to focus on the wealth and status of a prospective mate than on her physical charms. Similarly, women who viewed themselves as attractive ranked the toothsomeness of a potential husband above the particulars of his stock portfolio; while women from privileged backgrounds wanted a groom who knew the purpose and position of all four forks in a formal table setting. “People seem to be looking for soul mates on many levels, and that makes adaptive sense,” said Dr. Emlen in a telephone interview. “Peter and I are evolutionary biologists, so we’re both interested in why people would have rules that essentially say, seek someone who is like yourself on many of the things you value. “Well, if you do, you’ll end up with a compatible mate, and less conflict in the relationship, and a better chance of a long-term bond and successful child rearing." The findings, which are to be published this month in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, were based on a survey of 978 heterosexual residents of Ithaca.
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